With eyes red,
throat hoarse,
muscles strained,
brain drained,
heart hurting,
soul exhausted....
I still try to live every day like it was my last.

I live to make people laugh,
to see joy in peoples faces,
to bring light into a dark situation,
to find humor in EVERYTHING.

I WANT to make people happy,
I want to help,
I want to give,
I want to root people on,
I want to answer questions,
I want to find passion in people and show it to them.

I want to be Jesus.

Life would have been easier if I was Gods daughter,
I mean yea yea yea I know Im Gods "Daughter" like we are all His children,
but I seriously mean that I was a Savior.
Not in the fact that I would want people to worship me,
or even KNOW that I was the Messiah,
but I want to be able to just touch someone and heal their pain,
because right now, the only job I can do....
is to help numb it.
But I want to make it go away completely.
I know that I wouldn't have been a good Savior for the fact that it took me alot to get to this point.
I was selfish, and at times still can be,
but my heart no longer wants to beat just for me,
it wants to beat for other people when their heart have given up,
or ran away from them,
or have so many walls around them that they can't even reach it.
My heart wants to jump ship and beat for THOSE people.
I mean I don't even really have my heart right now anyways, because I gave it to God to hold, but maybe its God that is showing my heart to other people.
So my heart can see what is going on, and it wants to help!

I just want people to be happy,
and since I know me by myself can't do that,
I have to point them to the source that makes me the happiest.
To the Man that holds my heart and will hold it until the day He gives it away to my perfect Man.


Future Husband.

Let me tell you a little something about my heart.
It has been hurt alot,
beat up,
spit on,
shit on,
thrown around,
rejected.
I mean look, I have even rejected it, I asked God to hold it because I can't take care of it like I should.
But man oh man, when you get my heart, you better hold on for dear life.
Because its gonna be scared.
Its going to want to run away to fix others lives,
but keep it in your arms.

I wish you were here to rock me to sleep tonight,
I wish you were here to hold my hand or give me a hug.
I really wanted you today.
I can't wait to meet you.
I can't wait to call you my boyfriend, then fiance, then husband.
No, I can't wait to call you by your name.
God I want to know you now!!!
I want you to know me.....

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