Heart of a Virgin, Mind of a Whore

Well tonight is not what I planned for.... thats for sure. I attended the Holiness conference that was put on my Risen King with my roommates and some friends tonight and I was really excited to hear that Kris Vallotton was speaking because he is a really funny guy. He is the lead pastor of the Moral Revolution for Jesus Culture and I have heard numerous of his talks as well as watched my best friends life transformed in a radical way when it comes to sexual purity. Needless to say I have much respect for him. I was expecting to get goodness about staying sexually pure and how to do so and so on and so on, things that I could give practical application to when it comes to my life. But then he said that God woke him up last night and gave him a word that he was to speak on something different. Wholeness. Ok i'm down with hearing about some wholeness. Lord knows I could use some wholeness. At first he was telling very funny stories about childbirth, his wife, his kids, his grandk

Just a warning, this entry will be a little jumpy. Ill start with my wonderful counselor. She has brought me through some pretty "teary" sessions where I just throw up my issues on the table and she helps me go through them and find some sanity again. I cannot thank her enough for her consistent patience with me as I try and figure all this out. Anyways, this last week I came to her with a quite a bit of self pity and worry. As I begin to open the possibility of being pursued I have met a few different men in a few different venues. As I began "having fun" aka flirting (which is something pretty new to me) anyone that has known me for a while know that I prefer to just be the sarcastic funny friend or at least that is what I was comfortable being. So as I began actually being NICE and allowing them to pursue me I get uncomfortable because this is so new to me that I feel a lack of control. Especially a lack of boundaries because again, this is all so new. I th

I find that my walk with God is much like stumbling through life.  I am walking along just like I know what I am doing and then BOOM I start to fall. It is quite humbling but I have 2 choices as I start to fall...... 1. Allow myself to hit the ground and stay on the ground 2. Grasp onto the cloak of Jesus and let Him help me back up I find life to be challenging, yes I said it, even WITH Jesus. This shit is hard. Learning how to keep myself in check and keep my eyes on Jesus is like running hurdles. I get a good running start, I am confident, I am happy and as my mind starts to wander or as I begin to get impatient and try to set my own pace that is different than Gods is when my foot hits the hurdle and I go flying forward, or backward. I was with a friend the other day and he was talking to me a little bit about his past and he said that he knew that he was walking the wrong path and he felt that God was beginning to take away His protections over him. Which if we really sit an