Heart of a Virgin, Mind of a Whore

So many people are too afraid to hurt feelings. Thats how we get lies. And from people who lie, come cowards. My dad has ALWAYS told me not to be a coward. Not to lie. It took me a while to really take this seriously. But now I realize its better to tell the truth. Be honest. If someone gets mad, there is nothing you can do. Now im not gonna sit here and say I am perfect and I never lie. But I have started to appriciate so much those who are straight up with me. Don't tell me something because you think that is what I want to hear. Don't lead me on to believe that you are something that you are clearly not. So next time you look me in the eye, or send me a text telling me something and then you do another, realize that is hurting me more than the truth ever could. I would rather have someone hurt my feelings by telling me the truth than have someone tell me something so I have an expectation of who you are and then get disappointed. Maybe by telling the truth you will never all

I love my job. Its not even like a job. Its playing. But it is no wonder that everyone that you meet in this business looks ten years older than they actually are and are single. I feel like its not a business where you can fall in love. You don't have time. You really don't have time for anyone. And that really sucks for me. My family, friends and relationships are the most important things to me. When someone is suffering and I cant be there it tears me up so bad. All I do is sit on set all day and hurt.

Do you know that feeling of when you are a child and Christmas is the next day? You know the feeling, not being able to go to sleep. Staring at the clock watching the second tick by. Anxiously waiting until you can get up and run and wake up your parents. Shake them awake, drag them to the living room and open your stocking or presents? That deep pounding in your heart. Thats what its like every night I go to sleep when I think about you. I count the seconds. I anxiously await. The deep pounding. Im like a child. You have made me feel the feeling I missed most. You give me a desire that is so much deeper than sexual. The intimacy you allow me to have with you cant be wished by a shooting star. So hold me even though I know your leaving. Kiss me even if it has to be goodbye. Handle me like im gold. Hug me hard till our souls touch. Look at me as if I was the last thing youll ever see. Have me one last time. Stay with me and don't go