Heart of a Virgin, Mind of a Whore

Its hard to explain everything I feel when it comes to you. Its like at first is when I felt the most peace because I realized you were safe and with God. Laughing and playing and surrounded by incomprehensible love. Its like I knew it was better for you than anything this world had to offer but as time has gone on my thoughts have focused on wanting you back. People are still slowly finding out and giving me their condolences. The only thing I want to bring them is comfort, even though they are trying to comfort me I know how much they must be hurting as well because you were unforgettable. Its like I can handle talking about you for so long before I know a breakdown is coming. Ill be working and everything will be fine and then something will trigger and then I will be in the bathroom praying my life back together. I cannot have this happening on sets ROBERT! Writing to you really helps me. I pretend that you are either answering me or making fun of me. All of my memories of yo

I am talking about you, you, you, you and oh crap, me. God has been trying out this new thing with me where he slaps me across the face with goodness. Its like the type of slap where you stumble backwards, grab your face and then run and hug Him. For those of you who haven't felt an underlying feeling through my blog, I have a problem being a little bit angry with men. I am not going to go in depth into all the reasons, that is not what this blog is about. But I have been going to counseling for the past month or so for my issues. My counselor is amazing, she is so soft and understanding with me and didn't look at me weird last week when I turned into a bubbling weakness basket full of tears. Well last rewind to a couple weeks ago when I was at Bethel. Bill Johnson was speaking on  reading the Bible through the eyes of love and if it is not done so then it can often get skewed and turned into something its not. Well he focused on the verse that speaks about a woman submit