Heart of a Virgin, Mind of a Whore

Today was pretty good, got my car all cleaned and waxed and ready to slap a for sale sign on it. I just want to get rid of the curse. Then I get home and have a major headache. Rude. I thought today was going to be all good. But no, i get this headache so major that its all that I can think about, it hurts so bad that it kept me from working out and enjoying things I want to do. So I took some ibuprofen which doesn't really work too well so then had to resort to Norco. I don't care if I never see norco again, i just want these headaches gone. If I no longer get headaches, i no long want norco around me. I understand its highly addictive nature and don't want it around me if it doesn't need to be. At nights I really enjoy going outside with my cranberry juice, sitting under the stars with jojo by my side looking out for me, and smoking a cig either listening to music or talking on the phone to either chels or laurie. But I hate the smoking the cig part, its just nice to

Im worried about myself already that I don't need anyone else worrying. I mean its obvious to me that im sick. Somehow, physically just not keeping together. Insomnia, headaches, back pain, overall soreness, unexplainable tiredness. Im nervous that im really sick. Like with something I don't know. I have to go get my blood test but im nervous. Like really nervous. Sometimes I wish someone just can hold me as I fall asleep just so I know I fell asleep in someones arms. Most the time I scream out to God to hold me, sometimes I feel him, sometimes I don't. I have been feeling so not good lately I wonder if I will just fall asleep and not get up. I mean I want to get up, i have every reason in the world to get up, im 20 and full of passion, but my body is really hurting me. Everyone tells me I need to get out of redding, and I realize that this is not my place to live forever. But the more and more people tell me I NEED to get out, the more irrational I think. The other day I a