Heart of a Virgin, Mind of a Whore

I read this quote the other day that said "God gave your heart to someone already and we go on a journey to find it" I am going to have to say I disagree with this. Since I can remember I have been walking around with my heart not on my sleeve, in my hands, I hand it around almost if I am sharing a toy. I am realizing that I cannot stop this, I cannot contain it, I cannot deny it. Its the way I was born, God appointed me this way. And so much of my life I have been mad at God for that but the more I am hurt and disappointed that people don't care about my heart as much as I do, I realize that God needs me this way. Yea I might get hurt, ALOT, but if I am helping people by opening my heart to them at all times then what a true blessing that is for me. My earthly self wants to cry and pout every time my heart hurts, but I should take joy in the pain. Because one day the pain will fade, and the glory will come. It will all have been worth it. I read out of the Bible the othe

We laugh in the car the anticipation of a date together it was always a pleasant experience to spend one on one time with you you showed me how it was to be treated like a lady Listening to music loud windows down heater on funny faces weird words comfortable sober I dance my way out of the car Looking to my date of the evening Dad, are you ok? Dad, what the hell is going on? Dad, why are you falling? Dad! Your words were less playful "Your mother doesn't love me" Have you ever felt your chest pried open? And your heart fall into your own hands and you watch as the cracks scurry to all corners Dad? Are you drunk? The unimaginable this cannot be real I don't know this man I was too young to remember this man GIVE ME MY DAD BACK I dial comfort Home Hello? Mom. Dads drunk Laughter. Mom? The moon lost color the wind lost its sound the reality set in Bring him home Anna A drive through misery the endless minutes the stranger in my car surrounded by air but not excepting an

Even though God provided so greatly for me last month and really rocked my faith, here I am again wondering if God will provide. It just doesnt make sense you know? I mean people are saying "Well He has provided before" but I think "Has He" I mean there have been times that I have asked my parents for money. DO I want to do that? NO! Do I feel bad? YES! Is that God providing? I don't know. I bet my parents sure hope that is not God providing. But as I was praying I got Hebrews 4:12-16 "12For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. 13Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account. Jesus the Great High Priest 14Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens,[e] Jesus the Son of Go

As I lay here feeling the cold fog rise I ask God to rise me with it The courage the fog has against the sun it doesn't run off when daylight comes It lingers for those who inspire in the dark or for those who need the reminder that we are all fighting for something The drops of rain that dance into my skin the cold refresh of being clean again The shiver I enjoy with its cold embrace I welcome you fog I welcome you As I want to stand up and jump and play like a child in your grey I find myself bound in chains I cannot get away I fight the bondage I want to run into the dark But instead of running I am bound at the start I don't want to be stuck fighting to love My love is so easy because it comes from above But I chose to stay here when freedom has been ofter to me It seemed easier that way because no one expects something from me They would come running saying "Anna I need your hope" But then they would see i'm a slave to my own fear I would come out of the dark

So for those of you who don't know that I prayed for raw faith about 2 months ago, know that you should be prepared for such prayers. I want the faith that believes in miracles and when is following God and needing hope is confident that God will provide. Knowing that I can do nothing, He can do everything. So through it all, through the tears, screaming, processing, more tears, questioning, seeing and believing I am truly chasing the adventure God has for me. He has provided for me this month, financially, emotionally, and has placed people in my life that are showing me miracles all the time. It's crazy how He knows what I need, odd. I was about 125 short on rent and all month ive been praying for God to reveal himself to me in a way that I know He will provide when I do the things that He wants of me. There were a couple times I was going to cancel the plans I had with people because I was trying to book myself on shows, but then that voice, the one that scares me into silen