What was I thinking!?
So for those of you who don't know that I prayed for raw faith about 2 months ago, know that you should be prepared for such prayers. I want the faith that believes in miracles and when is following God and needing hope is confident that God will provide. Knowing that I can do nothing, He can do everything.
So through it all, through the tears, screaming, processing, more tears, questioning, seeing and believing I am truly chasing the adventure God has for me. He has provided for me this month, financially, emotionally, and has placed people in my life that are showing me miracles all the time. It's crazy how He knows what I need, odd.
I was about 125 short on rent and all month ive been praying for God to reveal himself to me in a way that I know He will provide when I do the things that He wants of me. There were a couple times I was going to cancel the plans I had with people because I was trying to book myself on shows, but then that voice, the one that scares me into silence yet awakens me to life says "You are to keep your meetings and speak life". So I took His word for it and kept my appointments. Oh, and also through this God is wanting me to practice being in peace. PEACE WHEN I AM STRAINED! But you know its whatever. So I speak life the best way I know how. Then I am at church, 4 days before rent, knowing that if I am casted on something that it will take them more than that to pay me, I pray. There are interpretive dancers on stage during worship, which I still think is effing weird. Please don't distract my with your flailing limbs and your dancing that is lack of sense. Anyways, there are two girls and they are doing whatever comes naturally to them, in their form of worship. Well I pray "Ok God, if you are going to provide for me then make those weird girls do the same dance move at the same time" cause of course I am allowed to test God. Well I wait like 3 mins and then I remember I left my notebook in the car and I enjoy writing during sermons or worship so I was going to go get it. I get my notebook and as I am walking in I say "Ok God, I really do think I trust you this time. I believe you are going to provide" Which is something that was really big for me, because I don't like believe in things that just don't seem to make sense. So I open the door, walk in, sit down and look at my phone. There is a text message for a job that pays 120! Ok i'll deal with being 5 dollars short, but I started crying. Because thats what I do for everything now apparently. He came through! And as I look up to the stage the girls are doing the same dance moves together! Wow! God really said to me "You don't have to test me, just let me show you".
Such a whirl I am being taken on with my faith. I have really been pressed so much, my faith has grown, not to where I want it but I am learning, and watching, and listening.
So as I sit here and pray, and thank God for what He is doing and has done for me I start praying for next months bills. Because there is one coming up in a week and I have nothing to start from. I am really needing Him to be with me and provide. I get the verse Philippians 4:19 "And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus". Well ALRIGHT! Sounds like a plan God. This is easier than what I was doing before, which was saying "it doesn't make sense to pursue these other things, so I am going to take matters into my own hands and make this happen". Oh it was a long process of realizing that is not the way things work in Gods kingdom.
As I allow His love to rain down on me and I am slowly lowering my umbrella I am taken back but the amount of love he can give..... to me. Now if he could just give it to my split ends! Oh Lordy Lord they are bad.
Thanks Father. I really feel like you are working with me to make something so beautiful. I don't want to forget this faith. Ever.
So through it all, through the tears, screaming, processing, more tears, questioning, seeing and believing I am truly chasing the adventure God has for me. He has provided for me this month, financially, emotionally, and has placed people in my life that are showing me miracles all the time. It's crazy how He knows what I need, odd.
I was about 125 short on rent and all month ive been praying for God to reveal himself to me in a way that I know He will provide when I do the things that He wants of me. There were a couple times I was going to cancel the plans I had with people because I was trying to book myself on shows, but then that voice, the one that scares me into silence yet awakens me to life says "You are to keep your meetings and speak life". So I took His word for it and kept my appointments. Oh, and also through this God is wanting me to practice being in peace. PEACE WHEN I AM STRAINED! But you know its whatever. So I speak life the best way I know how. Then I am at church, 4 days before rent, knowing that if I am casted on something that it will take them more than that to pay me, I pray. There are interpretive dancers on stage during worship, which I still think is effing weird. Please don't distract my with your flailing limbs and your dancing that is lack of sense. Anyways, there are two girls and they are doing whatever comes naturally to them, in their form of worship. Well I pray "Ok God, if you are going to provide for me then make those weird girls do the same dance move at the same time" cause of course I am allowed to test God. Well I wait like 3 mins and then I remember I left my notebook in the car and I enjoy writing during sermons or worship so I was going to go get it. I get my notebook and as I am walking in I say "Ok God, I really do think I trust you this time. I believe you are going to provide" Which is something that was really big for me, because I don't like believe in things that just don't seem to make sense. So I open the door, walk in, sit down and look at my phone. There is a text message for a job that pays 120! Ok i'll deal with being 5 dollars short, but I started crying. Because thats what I do for everything now apparently. He came through! And as I look up to the stage the girls are doing the same dance moves together! Wow! God really said to me "You don't have to test me, just let me show you".
Such a whirl I am being taken on with my faith. I have really been pressed so much, my faith has grown, not to where I want it but I am learning, and watching, and listening.
So as I sit here and pray, and thank God for what He is doing and has done for me I start praying for next months bills. Because there is one coming up in a week and I have nothing to start from. I am really needing Him to be with me and provide. I get the verse Philippians 4:19 "And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus". Well ALRIGHT! Sounds like a plan God. This is easier than what I was doing before, which was saying "it doesn't make sense to pursue these other things, so I am going to take matters into my own hands and make this happen". Oh it was a long process of realizing that is not the way things work in Gods kingdom.
As I allow His love to rain down on me and I am slowly lowering my umbrella I am taken back but the amount of love he can give..... to me. Now if he could just give it to my split ends! Oh Lordy Lord they are bad.
Thanks Father. I really feel like you are working with me to make something so beautiful. I don't want to forget this faith. Ever.
Comments