Heart of a Virgin, Mind of a Whore

I had a friend scream at me the other day "You are not the same person I met, you lost all your passion" I cried. Not about the argument, and who the hell knows what we were arguing about. I cried because I found some truth in what they said. I mean we all aren't the same people as we were before, but that is not what I want to be known as not being the same for. When I am surrounded by the things that make me passionate, I beam. I find joy in every situation, I see hope. But lately I haven't been getting the jobs that make me light up. I mean shit I am looking for just any job right now. I used to get jobs here and there, enough to keep me hanging on. But I have sent out every resume I felt fit for the longest time and no response. I can't understand for the life of me why. Maybe to find passion in something else? I have no clue. But I don't want to be looked at for no longer having passion. I still very much have passion. There just aren't a lot of situa

I have done endless things to help me get over the part of my life that is left un-mended. Still sore to the touch. Like salt on the wound I am reminded by little things. I have gone from writing letters and not sending them, writing letters and burning them, trying to contact via e mail, telephone, myspace and facebook to get closure, and oddly enough, nothing seems to work. I am left unsettled. I need truth. Why did I have to go from this...... To trying to do this..... With no explanation. Im trying. Daily.

So for one week I feel like God has asked me to give up my cell phone, and for the most part tv and internet with exceptions. Let me tell you, I don't want to really admit how lame my life is. I mean on day one I was driving home from French, it was around 9:20pm and I thought to myself "what the heck am I going to do when I get home? Just go to sleep? READ?". It was a sad realization really it was. I mean what kind of life is that. The kind that was distracted by tv and internet. Those things are so meaningless and for the most part don't give me anything to progress. Let me tell you though how hard it has been to give up my phone. I mean that thing is my baby, it didn't let me spend any time alone. There was always something to do if I had my phone... text, internet, facebook, myspace, youtube, games, I mean name it and they have probably created an application for it. Its almost like giving up a friend, something that was always there when you didn't want t