Its still there
I had a friend scream at me the other day
"You are not the same person I met, you lost all your passion"
I cried. Not about the argument, and who the hell knows what we were arguing about. I cried because I found some truth in what they said. I mean we all aren't the same people as we were before, but that is not what I want to be known as not being the same for. When I am surrounded by the things that make me passionate, I beam. I find joy in every situation, I see hope.
But lately I haven't been getting the jobs that make me light up. I mean shit I am looking for just any job right now. I used to get jobs here and there, enough to keep me hanging on. But I have sent out every resume I felt fit for the longest time and no response. I can't understand for the life of me why. Maybe to find passion in something else? I have no clue.
But I don't want to be looked at for no longer having passion.
I still very much have passion.
There just aren't a lot of situations right now for it to be shown.
My friends say that most of the reason I don't date is because im really picking, which they back up and say that it is a good thing. That I don't waste time on things that I don't want. But lately I just want to settle so I can rip someones heart out, just because for some reason I want to get back at men for how angry they have made me. But the only heart I would be ripping out is my own, i hate inflicting pain, but some little seed is growing strong, spreading its roots throughout my body, that is full of hate towards men and there worship of beauty that isn't real. Why do they only worship what our country tells them to? I mean I have done some AMAZING things for guys, even guys I just considered friends and they just NEED to remind me that they aren't "interested in me" either by pointing out a girl much more physically "attractive" than me and talking about what they have which is what I very obviously don't. I won't blame men for being shallow if one guy would actually look at a girl and say "She looks like she might have a brain and fun to be around" But then most likely she is not pleasing to the eye right?
I need counseling. I have met many people whom I felt didn't deserve to feel beautiful, who didn't deserve to feel wanted, who didn't deserve what I wanted. But thats life right. Learning to deal with what you got. And if thats nothing, then appreciate the simplicity? Shit I donno.
All I know is the only person in my life that calls me beautiful, or compliments me in any way shape or form is my mom. Thanks mom, but its getting dull. Besides, mothers have to say those things. Its in the raising lonely children cause they chose to be different manual.
Oh mom.
"You are not the same person I met, you lost all your passion"
I cried. Not about the argument, and who the hell knows what we were arguing about. I cried because I found some truth in what they said. I mean we all aren't the same people as we were before, but that is not what I want to be known as not being the same for. When I am surrounded by the things that make me passionate, I beam. I find joy in every situation, I see hope.
But lately I haven't been getting the jobs that make me light up. I mean shit I am looking for just any job right now. I used to get jobs here and there, enough to keep me hanging on. But I have sent out every resume I felt fit for the longest time and no response. I can't understand for the life of me why. Maybe to find passion in something else? I have no clue.
But I don't want to be looked at for no longer having passion.
I still very much have passion.
There just aren't a lot of situations right now for it to be shown.
My friends say that most of the reason I don't date is because im really picking, which they back up and say that it is a good thing. That I don't waste time on things that I don't want. But lately I just want to settle so I can rip someones heart out, just because for some reason I want to get back at men for how angry they have made me. But the only heart I would be ripping out is my own, i hate inflicting pain, but some little seed is growing strong, spreading its roots throughout my body, that is full of hate towards men and there worship of beauty that isn't real. Why do they only worship what our country tells them to? I mean I have done some AMAZING things for guys, even guys I just considered friends and they just NEED to remind me that they aren't "interested in me" either by pointing out a girl much more physically "attractive" than me and talking about what they have which is what I very obviously don't. I won't blame men for being shallow if one guy would actually look at a girl and say "She looks like she might have a brain and fun to be around" But then most likely she is not pleasing to the eye right?
I need counseling. I have met many people whom I felt didn't deserve to feel beautiful, who didn't deserve to feel wanted, who didn't deserve what I wanted. But thats life right. Learning to deal with what you got. And if thats nothing, then appreciate the simplicity? Shit I donno.
All I know is the only person in my life that calls me beautiful, or compliments me in any way shape or form is my mom. Thanks mom, but its getting dull. Besides, mothers have to say those things. Its in the raising lonely children cause they chose to be different manual.
Oh mom.
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