Heck no Techno!!
So for one week I feel like God has asked me to give up my cell phone, and for the most part tv and internet with exceptions.
Let me tell you, I don't want to really admit how lame my life is. I mean on day one I was driving home from French, it was around 9:20pm and I thought to myself "what the heck am I going to do when I get home? Just go to sleep? READ?". It was a sad realization really it was. I mean what kind of life is that. The kind that was distracted by tv and internet. Those things are so meaningless and for the most part don't give me anything to progress.
Let me tell you though how hard it has been to give up my phone. I mean that thing is my baby, it didn't let me spend any time alone. There was always something to do if I had my phone... text, internet, facebook, myspace, youtube, games, I mean name it and they have probably created an application for it. Its almost like giving up a friend, something that was always there when you didn't want to be alone. I mean what the heck? I used to treasure the time I spent alone. It was a nessecity. If I spent too much time with family, friends, anything I needed to set apart a time where I could just be alone.
Now I don't understand why I don't want to be alone. Maybe because the harsh realization comes along that I am not in LA. I am not in love. I am not skinny (yet). I am not acting. I am not working. I mean shoot what am I doing that I have told my "oh so passionate self" I was going to be doing at this time in my life? I feel like God is preparing me. I feel like that is why I am in Redding. It is what kept me from packing everything up and just leaving. Couch hopping, beach showering. I don't know exactly what God is preparing me for but I am certainly listening and getting ready.
The other day (as in day 2) I thought to myself "what am I kidding? I can't do this? I can't give these things up. This is just too hard for me right now" Well well well I was listeing to K-Love and they were talkinga about even in times where we feel like we cannot make it, cannot go on, God is always with us and will not give us anything more than we can handle. So I decided to press onward. Then today (day 3) I said "Ok, I will try to make it a week another time, I made it to day three, that is pretty good" But then I was watching a music video on youtube and it had flashing lights, glamour, Hollywood, everything I am missing in my life and I thought to myself "I don't really know why I am giving up my phone and internet and such, but if I am giving it up in order to get that, then I can do this. I can really do this. I am willing to do this". Now don't get me wrong, I have had my slip ups. You know turning on the phone to get phone numbers, using my moms phone to text a few times, finding myself going on the internet for specific things and then unconsiously getting side tracked. But for the most part I am trying to stay really strong. I am trying. That is all that I can give. I may not be perfect in this whole "Fasting for Jesus" thing, but I think Jesus knows my heart and that is all that really matters to me.
There is a bigger purpose for me than this piddly little week of lonliness. I have some grand adventure coming my way and I am going to prepare. I am going to do what it takes.
Keep me strong Jesus. Remind me that this isn't even about the phone. Or me. Be with me this week.
Let me tell you, I don't want to really admit how lame my life is. I mean on day one I was driving home from French, it was around 9:20pm and I thought to myself "what the heck am I going to do when I get home? Just go to sleep? READ?". It was a sad realization really it was. I mean what kind of life is that. The kind that was distracted by tv and internet. Those things are so meaningless and for the most part don't give me anything to progress.
Let me tell you though how hard it has been to give up my phone. I mean that thing is my baby, it didn't let me spend any time alone. There was always something to do if I had my phone... text, internet, facebook, myspace, youtube, games, I mean name it and they have probably created an application for it. Its almost like giving up a friend, something that was always there when you didn't want to be alone. I mean what the heck? I used to treasure the time I spent alone. It was a nessecity. If I spent too much time with family, friends, anything I needed to set apart a time where I could just be alone.
Now I don't understand why I don't want to be alone. Maybe because the harsh realization comes along that I am not in LA. I am not in love. I am not skinny (yet). I am not acting. I am not working. I mean shoot what am I doing that I have told my "oh so passionate self" I was going to be doing at this time in my life? I feel like God is preparing me. I feel like that is why I am in Redding. It is what kept me from packing everything up and just leaving. Couch hopping, beach showering. I don't know exactly what God is preparing me for but I am certainly listening and getting ready.
The other day (as in day 2) I thought to myself "what am I kidding? I can't do this? I can't give these things up. This is just too hard for me right now" Well well well I was listeing to K-Love and they were talkinga about even in times where we feel like we cannot make it, cannot go on, God is always with us and will not give us anything more than we can handle. So I decided to press onward. Then today (day 3) I said "Ok, I will try to make it a week another time, I made it to day three, that is pretty good" But then I was watching a music video on youtube and it had flashing lights, glamour, Hollywood, everything I am missing in my life and I thought to myself "I don't really know why I am giving up my phone and internet and such, but if I am giving it up in order to get that, then I can do this. I can really do this. I am willing to do this". Now don't get me wrong, I have had my slip ups. You know turning on the phone to get phone numbers, using my moms phone to text a few times, finding myself going on the internet for specific things and then unconsiously getting side tracked. But for the most part I am trying to stay really strong. I am trying. That is all that I can give. I may not be perfect in this whole "Fasting for Jesus" thing, but I think Jesus knows my heart and that is all that really matters to me.
There is a bigger purpose for me than this piddly little week of lonliness. I have some grand adventure coming my way and I am going to prepare. I am going to do what it takes.
Keep me strong Jesus. Remind me that this isn't even about the phone. Or me. Be with me this week.
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