Take it and dont give it back
We all know the song.
"You're just too good to be true,
Cant take my eyes off of you,
You'd be like heaven to touch,
I wanna hold you so much"
In a way this song has become so evident in my life.
God is too good to be true.
I don't want to take my eyes off of Him.
This might sound a tad wierd. But there has been so many times where there is nothing else I scream other than to have God just hold me. And even though I don't physically get held, or rocked I can feel Him. I feel His hands reach inside and hold my heart. I feel my heart get rocked, and its tears get wiped away. Its almost as if I am a babysitter, God has dropped my heart off at daycare. But vision this, I don't look after it, i let it run around and get knocked into things, put its hand on the burner, play in the mud. And then when God comes back to check on it, its hurt, crying, broken. Then I have to say to God "Im so sorry, i don't know what went wrong, Im a bad babysitter. You should really give it to someone else next time, but I will sit here and watch it has you hold it, rocking it back and forth and telling it that it needs to move on, get back up and run". This makes sense to me in my own head but might be hard for others to grasp.
I feel as if my heart is a person inside me, sometimes it talks to me, some times it knocks to get my attention.
But just recently has it been wanting to get out of me completely.
The sad thing is I don't blame it at all.
I think to myself if I were my heart, I would cry alot.
I have issues of shielding myself, boundaries, creating a safe place for my heart.
It has been and will always be completely wide open and in full range of anything and anybody.
I have had my heart ripped in half by one person. Some one whom even though has hurt me more than he could ever imagined, also is someone i will love till the day my heart stops beating. And what disrespect that is for my heart. Practically im saying to my heart "even though you have been hurt past description, i will still let that person back in to hurt you again"
So i can completely understand why my heart is worn out, tore up, and just over all done with me.
So i asked God to take if from me and keep it safe. Because I don't know how.
Also, I would like to be able to hold God.
Not in a way to where i think I am high and mighty enough to "comfort" God, but in a way that I want to be able to control how much I squeeze Him and let Him know that I want no other. In a way to where I can hold Him just as much as he holds me. Or that we could both hold my heart together. Like two people taking care of a small child or animal. I want to be able to say "God, Im gonna be home late today, do you mind feeding the heart? God, im really tired do you mind putting the heart to bed?
Overall. Point blank. Moral of the story.
Right now if you see me emotionless, worn out, breaking down, rubbing my chest, its because my heart has found a better home. In Gods hands. And shall remain with no one else until He releases it to them. Because in all honestly, I can't take it back
"You're just too good to be true,
Cant take my eyes off of you,
You'd be like heaven to touch,
I wanna hold you so much"
In a way this song has become so evident in my life.
God is too good to be true.
I don't want to take my eyes off of Him.
This might sound a tad wierd. But there has been so many times where there is nothing else I scream other than to have God just hold me. And even though I don't physically get held, or rocked I can feel Him. I feel His hands reach inside and hold my heart. I feel my heart get rocked, and its tears get wiped away. Its almost as if I am a babysitter, God has dropped my heart off at daycare. But vision this, I don't look after it, i let it run around and get knocked into things, put its hand on the burner, play in the mud. And then when God comes back to check on it, its hurt, crying, broken. Then I have to say to God "Im so sorry, i don't know what went wrong, Im a bad babysitter. You should really give it to someone else next time, but I will sit here and watch it has you hold it, rocking it back and forth and telling it that it needs to move on, get back up and run". This makes sense to me in my own head but might be hard for others to grasp.
I feel as if my heart is a person inside me, sometimes it talks to me, some times it knocks to get my attention.
But just recently has it been wanting to get out of me completely.
The sad thing is I don't blame it at all.
I think to myself if I were my heart, I would cry alot.
I have issues of shielding myself, boundaries, creating a safe place for my heart.
It has been and will always be completely wide open and in full range of anything and anybody.
I have had my heart ripped in half by one person. Some one whom even though has hurt me more than he could ever imagined, also is someone i will love till the day my heart stops beating. And what disrespect that is for my heart. Practically im saying to my heart "even though you have been hurt past description, i will still let that person back in to hurt you again"
So i can completely understand why my heart is worn out, tore up, and just over all done with me.
So i asked God to take if from me and keep it safe. Because I don't know how.
Also, I would like to be able to hold God.
Not in a way to where i think I am high and mighty enough to "comfort" God, but in a way that I want to be able to control how much I squeeze Him and let Him know that I want no other. In a way to where I can hold Him just as much as he holds me. Or that we could both hold my heart together. Like two people taking care of a small child or animal. I want to be able to say "God, Im gonna be home late today, do you mind feeding the heart? God, im really tired do you mind putting the heart to bed?
Overall. Point blank. Moral of the story.
Right now if you see me emotionless, worn out, breaking down, rubbing my chest, its because my heart has found a better home. In Gods hands. And shall remain with no one else until He releases it to them. Because in all honestly, I can't take it back
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