Different kind of hurt

I know this is gonna sound super wierd but if you have read my previous blog then you might not understand.

In my previous blog I wrote about how I didn't want my heart anymore and that I wanted God to just take it from me and keep it until He finds someone to give it to.

Well in a kind of odd way that is how I feel.
My heart hasn't been hurting as much.
And when things come around that I know would hurt my heart or make me rub my chest because it was sore, its almost as if I look up to the sky and say "Thank you God" cause its not hurting anymore

But some thing rather different is happening.

I recognize things that would normally make my heart hurt but then come to the realization that its not my heart that hurts anymore.
I don't know what it is and I am yet to figure it out.
I think to myself "Is it my brain that hurts? Does it hurt because I know people can do better but they don't? And normally when that happens my heart hurts for them but now its my brain??? I mean God I have given you my heart but am I REALLY gonna have to give you my brain as well?"

I kinda want my brain down here with me.
But then again I have never been the SMARTEST person to begin with. Maybe God would substitute it with a smarter one?
You think?

hhmmm

Well God whatever it is that hurts NOW can you make it stop?
I mean personally.... I would just not like to hurt at all.
I would NOT like to hurt when I see other people hurting themselves in the future, present, or because of their hurt past.
I seriously get hurt when other people hurt.
I HATE THAT!!!
Because I think to myself "Well if THEY stop hurting then so will I!!!"
Maybe that is why I can get so adamant about knowing what is good for people and forcing that upon them?
Ok say for instance you see a child touch a burner and they get hurt and start crying....well then I feel that hurt and want to stop it so bad.
So then the child gets around a burner and I am screaming, pushing, and not letting them make the mistake again because I know that when they get hurt again so do I.

hhmm

STOP TOUCHING THE FREAKING BURNER FRIENDS.
IT HURTS ME!!!!

UUUUHHHH

And God, not to be pushy or mad or anything but can you seriously turn that part of me off?!?!?!?! Seriously though God, I shouldn't have to hurt for other peoples mistakes.

Wow....... if that wasn't a totally slap in the face.
I just thought of Jesus.
Wow.
Ouch.
Shoot.
Dang.

Ok God, I take it back. PLEASE DON'T PUT ME ON A CROSS FOR OTHER PEOPLES MISTAKES!!!!!!
Im sorry.......

Comments

videobytammylove.com said…
Omygosh Anna...

Keep doing these blogs.

This work is your future.

These writings will help so many girls walking through the same pain......

These wonderful writings sucked me in.

God has blessed you sweet Anna..

Take Care.

Tammy.
July 21, 2007 at 11:06 AM
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