Heart of a Virgin, Mind of a Whore

As my life has been shooting forward, way faster than I had intended I find myself grasping the ground, scraping my nails across the pavement trying to slow down and understand what the HELL is going on. Gods plan for me is clearly different then the plan I had for me, which is really difficult to accept. Not that God hasn't shown me things I could have never seen on my own, but I guess I though God cared about earthly things just a little, just enough to make me feel successful. What does it feel like to feel successful in Gods eyes? Is it a heartwarming feeling? Is it a powerful feeling? Is it a weakened feeling? Is it a loved feeling? It is something I can create without Him? Because Lord knows I will try. Coming home for my birthday I had few expectations. I knew I would see my family and friends, celebrate my birthday, get some laughs, try and refuel and then head back to the land of reality. But no, my heart decided to do some work on its own. I cannot describe the feeling th

I was talking to my Pastor the other day and he asked me the question about my blog, he asked "What process do you feel you are in to finding a loved one?". He said that he noticed the main theme of most of my blogs is that of finding someone to love. I was kind of taken back by this because here I am walking around thinking that my blogs are so empowering and talking about things so important. And here I am hit with the reality I talk about my struggles with love. Not that love isn't an important subject to talk about, but its like "really, im another girl that comes on and complains about love". The only thing I have to complain about is that I can't fully pour my love into someone. It has been proven time and time again that no one can handle it. Especially without me getting hurt in the long run. I want to trust people so quickly, but then I am hit with the reality that people always fail me. Always, its like I walk around expecting that one person not t