When oh when

I was talking to my Pastor the other day and he asked me the question about my blog, he asked "What process do you feel you are in to finding a loved one?". He said that he noticed the main theme of most of my blogs is that of finding someone to love. I was kind of taken back by this because here I am walking around thinking that my blogs are so empowering and talking about things so important. And here I am hit with the reality I talk about my struggles with love. Not that love isn't an important subject to talk about, but its like "really, im another girl that comes on and complains about love". The only thing I have to complain about is that I can't fully pour my love into someone. It has been proven time and time again that no one can handle it. Especially without me getting hurt in the long run. I want to trust people so quickly, but then I am hit with the reality that people always fail me. Always, its like I walk around expecting that one person not to fail me, and with each person I meet I feel like I am that much closer to finding that person. I meet someone and think "is it you? is it you I can trust with all my secrets and love" and then in the most painful way possible I find out that it is not them. Who's fault is it though? Is it my fault that I want someone to trust so badly that I go and trust everyone. Or is it the fault of this world and my generation has just not been raised to take care of one another and to just be completely selfish. Or if it is Gods fault that he gave me this much love and no one to share it with. WHOS FAULT IS IT REALLY?

I hate being disappointed. It is seriously the quickest way to get me to walk out of your life. Time and time again I continued to trust those who had disappointed me so much, is it the people I surround myself with or what?

God is all I want right now. Seriously. I want to run to Him and stay with Him forever. Just us.

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