Oh Brother
Its hard to explain everything I feel when it comes to you. Its like at first is when I felt the most peace because I realized you were safe and with God. Laughing and playing and surrounded by incomprehensible love. Its like I knew it was better for you than anything this world had to offer but as time has gone on my thoughts have focused on wanting you back.
People are still slowly finding out and giving me their condolences. The only thing I want to bring them is comfort, even though they are trying to comfort me I know how much they must be hurting as well because you were unforgettable. Its like I can handle talking about you for so long before I know a breakdown is coming. Ill be working and everything will be fine and then something will trigger and then I will be in the bathroom praying my life back together. I cannot have this happening on sets ROBERT!
Writing to you really helps me. I pretend that you are either answering me or making fun of me. All of my memories of you was of when we were actually close. When you hadn't tipped into your addiction yet. So thats how I liked to imagine you still.
I remember when we used to cuddle and you would always warm my feet. Whether you wanted to or not, I would make you. It was so nice cause your feet were always so warm. Another thing that you did that I loved and never got to tell you was when you would randomly tell me I was beautiful. When I would post a new picture on fb you would call mom and tell her that you thought I looked beautiful and then she would tell me. I know its kinda lame but it meant a lot to me. Its odd because whenever I take a picture that I think looks pretty I automatically wonder if you would like it. Pathetic.
So we all know that you always had a water bottle on you because you were always parched. Well we made water bottles for your memorial. At night I warm water up and put it in the water bottle and then set it at my feet to keep them warm at night. Its some type of connection I feel I still get with you. Sometimes I feel you and God speaking into my heart, into my loneliness. Then moments that I don't FEEL it I usually cry myself to sleep.
During the Christmas eve service at the Stirring we were all singing "Oh Holy Night" and I envisioned you singing it to Jesus. You said that you all loved singing along to that song in heaven and we should sing it way past its "Season". Even though you said it was one of Jesus' favorite birthday songs. haha. Thank you for allowing me into his world God.
God comfort me tonight as I lay in bed and remember my brother. God go ahead of me and dry my tears that are to come through this pain. God be with those who are struggling with the loss of loved ones. Tis the season for the world to feel You. My heart aches along with those praying for strength tonight.
I miss you brother.
People are still slowly finding out and giving me their condolences. The only thing I want to bring them is comfort, even though they are trying to comfort me I know how much they must be hurting as well because you were unforgettable. Its like I can handle talking about you for so long before I know a breakdown is coming. Ill be working and everything will be fine and then something will trigger and then I will be in the bathroom praying my life back together. I cannot have this happening on sets ROBERT!
Writing to you really helps me. I pretend that you are either answering me or making fun of me. All of my memories of you was of when we were actually close. When you hadn't tipped into your addiction yet. So thats how I liked to imagine you still.
I remember when we used to cuddle and you would always warm my feet. Whether you wanted to or not, I would make you. It was so nice cause your feet were always so warm. Another thing that you did that I loved and never got to tell you was when you would randomly tell me I was beautiful. When I would post a new picture on fb you would call mom and tell her that you thought I looked beautiful and then she would tell me. I know its kinda lame but it meant a lot to me. Its odd because whenever I take a picture that I think looks pretty I automatically wonder if you would like it. Pathetic.
So we all know that you always had a water bottle on you because you were always parched. Well we made water bottles for your memorial. At night I warm water up and put it in the water bottle and then set it at my feet to keep them warm at night. Its some type of connection I feel I still get with you. Sometimes I feel you and God speaking into my heart, into my loneliness. Then moments that I don't FEEL it I usually cry myself to sleep.
During the Christmas eve service at the Stirring we were all singing "Oh Holy Night" and I envisioned you singing it to Jesus. You said that you all loved singing along to that song in heaven and we should sing it way past its "Season". Even though you said it was one of Jesus' favorite birthday songs. haha. Thank you for allowing me into his world God.
God comfort me tonight as I lay in bed and remember my brother. God go ahead of me and dry my tears that are to come through this pain. God be with those who are struggling with the loss of loved ones. Tis the season for the world to feel You. My heart aches along with those praying for strength tonight.
I miss you brother.
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