But joy comes in the morning

Well,  needless to say the past week has been a gut wrenching, devastating week. The pain in my chest is pretty consistent. Even though I feel like God and Robert talk to me and comfort me everyday, it doesn't relieve the pain in my heart. Its the discomfort that you know used to be in place, but now, through the death, has popped out of place. It is an interesting feeling when you know what it used to be like to have a joyful heart and now have a sorrowful one. I thank God and my family for being constant supports, but also all the people that have messaged me. The people that I thought were going to be there to take care of me are SO different than the people that showed up. Nothing wrong with that per say, but just odd. But maybe God needed it to be odd. I donno.

I am a little concerned for my sanity though. I feel like I am hearing Robert just as much as I am hearing God. Now Robert is always talking about things that are just pointing me to God. So I don't know if this is God sending me something to help or what. Because I would like to think that I would just make these things up myself to comfort myself but it is truly unexplainable. I got notice the other day that if I do not pay my car registration that my car will be impounded or my account will be levied upon. Eeks. Well as I was thinking of what I can do in order to avoid that from happening I thought about my grandma. Now I do not like to go to my grandma for things such as this but if I get desperate then I do. My grandma always says "it brings me great joy to help out my grandchildren". So im justified everyone! haha.

Well I was showering and I was thinking about how I had to call my grandma and ask for help and then I heard Robert. He said "Have you asked God for help?". PSHT! "No". Then he said "You would be amazed at how many riches God has up here for you. Seriously, if you would just ask I am sure He will send some down". Shit. So insane. Needless to say I did not call my grandma.

Its quite odd. As our selfish flesh dies down we are seeing the fruits of Robert here on earth through God. Bring more Lord more. You are the only thing that has kept me going through this time of deep grieving.

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