You look like you've seen a ghost
Oh how God can simply remind me that I am the fearful one.
He isn't scared. Why would He be scared?
Im scared.
While I was in LA I prayed and got some answers. I might not be ready but God sure as hell is. When I was told over a months ago with urgency to move back to LA I brushed it off as God leading me on. Exciting me for no reason. But while I was there I felt it, I felt the connection of God's words and my actions. They collided. My faith clicked. Its not God holding me back, its me. My fear of failure or even scarier..... my fear of success. I have fear of falling into the grips of Los Angeles and its demons. But like I always think, its easy not to fall and be full of faith in a monestary. Im being lead. I feel like im being walked down the aisle of life. Nervous to be given away. Second thoughts being stripped away with every step closer. I do.
I cannot describe the feeling that rushes through a calm body when I hear Him.
When He speaks to me its like im elevated above all lifes problems. Its like hands came down and scooped me up from my situation. Driving in my car, full of traffic and chaos, surrounded by hopes and dreams that are slowly fading with every waking day. When I look into the city, the lights glowing through the night as if they were stars in the dark, it looks back at me. The city leads me into teasing infatuation. I have a goal but its beauty and uncertainty distracts me. Its grip on my heart is uncomfortable, when I leave it tightens, when I stay it helps it beat. As if to take the pressure off my trashed body. Im terrified of what this city will do to me. I don't want it to have the power to hurt me, to get me crawling back to it for the fullfillment I should have provided for myself all along. I ask of you beautiful city, don't chew me up and spit me out. Embrace me and let me show you a good time.
I cant wait to frollick through you. Waking up with a smile will be nice again.
He isn't scared. Why would He be scared?
Im scared.
While I was in LA I prayed and got some answers. I might not be ready but God sure as hell is. When I was told over a months ago with urgency to move back to LA I brushed it off as God leading me on. Exciting me for no reason. But while I was there I felt it, I felt the connection of God's words and my actions. They collided. My faith clicked. Its not God holding me back, its me. My fear of failure or even scarier..... my fear of success. I have fear of falling into the grips of Los Angeles and its demons. But like I always think, its easy not to fall and be full of faith in a monestary. Im being lead. I feel like im being walked down the aisle of life. Nervous to be given away. Second thoughts being stripped away with every step closer. I do.
I cannot describe the feeling that rushes through a calm body when I hear Him.
When He speaks to me its like im elevated above all lifes problems. Its like hands came down and scooped me up from my situation. Driving in my car, full of traffic and chaos, surrounded by hopes and dreams that are slowly fading with every waking day. When I look into the city, the lights glowing through the night as if they were stars in the dark, it looks back at me. The city leads me into teasing infatuation. I have a goal but its beauty and uncertainty distracts me. Its grip on my heart is uncomfortable, when I leave it tightens, when I stay it helps it beat. As if to take the pressure off my trashed body. Im terrified of what this city will do to me. I don't want it to have the power to hurt me, to get me crawling back to it for the fullfillment I should have provided for myself all along. I ask of you beautiful city, don't chew me up and spit me out. Embrace me and let me show you a good time.
I cant wait to frollick through you. Waking up with a smile will be nice again.
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