Dear Dad
I cannot describe the feeling I had when I saw you that night at avocados. I didnt recognize you. I was scared, mad, worried, sick, hurt. I wanted to hug you so bad. Hug the drunkness out of you. I wanted you to see how much I love you. I wanted to some how make it visible to you so you would know you don't need anything else. You dont need an amount of alcohol or substance because you have my love. Nothing will ever change that. I dont love you less for what you did. I could never love you less.
I starting thinking of all the ways you are an amazing father to me.
I describe you as kind, quite, encouraging, adorable. I feel your love when you hug me, I know I do things that disappoint you but I want nothing more than for you to be happy and proud of me. I thought of the times when I was crying, and you come in, kinda awkwardly, you dont really have a lot to say, but the fact that you sit on the edge of my bed is enough. The little unsure pat you give on my back. It means the world to me.
Road trips with you, laughing at stupid things. Singing to all the songs we know the words to. Listening to your weird music. Stopping and eating at sometimes terrible places because we dont want to go some where we have in town. I remember those trips, I love those trips.
The hugs you give me before I leave for a trip, I wouldnt feel completely safe without them.
When you call to come over to your computer to play me either a extremely odd video, or some music that I oddly enjoy (which doesnt make sense to me because you normally listen to weird music)
The memories of weird al, rc burger, they might be giants, getting my first ticket, going on dates, watching movies, paint balling, riding dirtbikes, dragging you shopping in san fran, making funny faces in pictures and end up looking like the same person, mystery science theater 3000, sponge bob square pants.... these are the things I remember when I think of you.
So that day, when I realized you werent that dad, it scared me. I have never ever wanted my dad more in the world. I started wondering if I would ever have that dad back. What if I have forever lost him to this illness? What if he doesnt come back from this? Im still a bit scared, and I believe that you can find more happiness than that.
I love you more than you know obviously. I know im not always going to be around but you are my dad. My daddy. I still look up to you when you think im not looking. I miss you dad.
This is what I think of when I think of times with you.
Its from the CD "Sing me to sleep daddy"
I starting thinking of all the ways you are an amazing father to me.
I describe you as kind, quite, encouraging, adorable. I feel your love when you hug me, I know I do things that disappoint you but I want nothing more than for you to be happy and proud of me. I thought of the times when I was crying, and you come in, kinda awkwardly, you dont really have a lot to say, but the fact that you sit on the edge of my bed is enough. The little unsure pat you give on my back. It means the world to me.
Road trips with you, laughing at stupid things. Singing to all the songs we know the words to. Listening to your weird music. Stopping and eating at sometimes terrible places because we dont want to go some where we have in town. I remember those trips, I love those trips.
The hugs you give me before I leave for a trip, I wouldnt feel completely safe without them.
When you call to come over to your computer to play me either a extremely odd video, or some music that I oddly enjoy (which doesnt make sense to me because you normally listen to weird music)
The memories of weird al, rc burger, they might be giants, getting my first ticket, going on dates, watching movies, paint balling, riding dirtbikes, dragging you shopping in san fran, making funny faces in pictures and end up looking like the same person, mystery science theater 3000, sponge bob square pants.... these are the things I remember when I think of you.
So that day, when I realized you werent that dad, it scared me. I have never ever wanted my dad more in the world. I started wondering if I would ever have that dad back. What if I have forever lost him to this illness? What if he doesnt come back from this? Im still a bit scared, and I believe that you can find more happiness than that.
I love you more than you know obviously. I know im not always going to be around but you are my dad. My daddy. I still look up to you when you think im not looking. I miss you dad.
This is what I think of when I think of times with you.
Its from the CD "Sing me to sleep daddy"
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