Cry for help

I have been struggling so much with God about why He has me here. I have no knowing purpose. I feel like packing my bags tomorrow and leaving. I know I can make such a bigger difference elsewhere. I see God needing me in other places. I see the need! But nothing is worse yet more beautiful than hearing the calling of God. I have been screaming, crying, begging, asking, demanding, wondering, what the hell God thinks He is doing. Why is He putting me through much anguish? Every day seems to get progressively worse. I can't even be at my own house right now without thinking im going to have a mental breakdown. Is this what you want for me God? Really? I thought you were supposed to be the one to take care of me. Yet here I am God, staying at my best friends moms house. Hanging on by threads of hope. Im dangling. Is this where you WANT ME GOD?!?!?!? WHY WONT YOU ANSWER ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM BEGGING OF YOU GOD!!! LEAD ME.

Ive been walking through the fire for too long God. Im slipping out of faith.

Ive been in the place to take matters into my own hands, and I don't like it. But oddly I cant force you to take it. My mom always says "You dont always need to know where you're going, if you know whom you are following"

I guess that is what needs to run through my mind when I feel like giving up.

Nothing is more suiting right now than my favorite song ever.

Ginny Owens

The pathway is broken
And The signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to

Chorus:
Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone

ya oh oh no

So When the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I go through the valley If You want me to

Comments

Anonymous said…
“Ive been in the place to take matters into my own hands, and I don't like it.”

Isn’t that just life for every single person? We all go it alone and i’m afraid just HAVE to take it into our own hands. You don’t have to be following anyone. I think God is a good way of feeling less responsible for where you are or why things aren’t the way you’d like them to be. It’s easier to share a conscience with something you believe can control any aspect of your life, then nothing is wholly your fault. You're just wasting time, and at 22 this year i know you could be somewhere better.

You're not alone in doubts, we can't all be carried. Some of us have never felt like we've been lead, but we manage, what else is there to do? Waiting for change is why so many things fall into disrepair. If things end, move on, if things don't change, move on. Or fall into disrepair yourself and have no one/nothing to blame but...
March 15, 2009 at 3:54 PM
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