My biggest fan
Dangit. So I have known since 11 this morning that I was to write this today and I have been putting it off all day because it is somewhat exhausting spilling a hearts worth of emotions into words. But here I am, just for you, sitting to write.
So I have been going to this church Bethel lately and I am pretty sure I have mentioned it in earlier blogs. If not, I will just give you the quick version of my history with Bethel. I grew up in a super conservative church, not much freedom with God. Then there is Bethel..... where the freedom is uncompromisable. So considering my childhood church and the mindset it gave me all I did was judge Bethel and those who went there. They were too comfortable in front of God, from what I was taught He was looking down on you waiting for you to step out of line and then punish you. So Bethel needed to be punished for all of their weirdos. haha.
Well as time went on I came to the realization that I am a weirdo and if my relationship with God was going to continue I needed the clearance to be a weirdo in front of Him. So I have been gravitating to Bethel, naturally.
So this morning I attended and I came a little late on purpose. The week before when I went to a service and the worship was an hour and forty five mins, so I just maybe wanted to skip a little. Well as I walk in and stand in the back where I enjoy worshiping I am captivated by this girl that is so enthralled with worship that she is jumping up and down, her arms flailing and heart towards the sky. She is reaching towards the sky, her hands grasping only what my eyes can call air. But as I continued to observe I imaged her just in front of her Father jumping up and down crying out to be held, kinda like we did when we were young. I know that some of you cannot relate with this and for that my heart is broken. If I were to have to give another example I would say your favorite super hero or favorite sports player. Just someone that you look up to and would always want to play with.
Because I remember when I was 5 my dad was the coolest toughest guy around. He could totally beat up your dad. His opinion mattered most. If my dad picked me up from school and I said that some kids said I was a loser and my dad said "well they are wrong, you are the coolest girl around" I would then make a mental note to go to school the next day and inform the kids that they were wrong and in fact, I was the coolest girl around. You know what I am talking about, the person you look up to was never wrong.
So as I am watching this girl arms wide reaching out for her Fathers embrace, for His affirmation, for His acceptance, for His direction, I was brought tears. She was dancing in His presence just in extreme joy and celebration for who He is. That her dad is the coolest thing around and she couldn't contain her joy. I thought to myself, what if every morning were like that?
Imagine the CEO or celebrity or someone in a power position that you were great. Imagine if you are writer and William Shakespeare came back to life and said to you "this is the best thing I have ever read!" or if you are a musician and Johnny Cash or Michael Jackson listened to your stuff and said that they were so inspired by your music. Imagine the high that would give you, the beam that would shoot out of you the rest of the day. The fact that you wouldn't be able to keep it in, it would bubble over. You would end up telling the waitress of what you were just told because you wanted her to know how amazing you are. Are you getting me here? The Father that created all Fathers, the God that created all passions, all creativity, all music and all things inspiring, that man wants to compliment me. I don't have to fight for it, I don't have to earn it, I don't have to show off for Him, I just have to tune my ear. The God that CREATED William Shakespeare is wanting to hold me, love me, compliment me and direct me.
So we go around craving what easily can be satisfied. Lets say men. Some women crave men, they crave attention, they crave love and they crave affection. Lets make it a little more personal. Lets say me. Some people have been writing to me or talking to me about how I seem desperate for love. Talking about it all the time, writing about it all the time, thinking about it all the time, complaining about it all the time. What is frustrating is these people that are talking to me about it or saying "youre so young" are the ones dating or married. HA! I will say this, I am excited for love. God has made me so many promises over the years that the fact I have not given my heart away, I have not yet allowed someone to call me girlfriend that it will all be worth it.
See I have these conversations with women and sometimes men that are somewhat hopeless sounding. Lets take for instance that we are watching youtube, most recently Bruno Mars. And my friend turns to me and says "can you image if some guy wrote and sang that song to you?". My first reaction in my head was "no I cannot imagine" but wow isn't that the world telling me what to believe? See people say fairytales aren't real, why? Why do we say they aren't real? Because they are not realistic..... well lets see, the last time I checked I do not worship an all powerful God that is still realistic. I am not going to imagine a guy writing and singing a song for me. I am going to imagine a guy writing and singing a song about our life together, writing it with the pages of our memories. Writing and singing is not enough (not saying I wouldn't totally go weak in the knees) but its not going to be all it takes to get my heart. Because God gives me more than I can ever imagine, and well, I can imagine that. The man that created all men calls me beautifully and wonderfully made, why do I need just a song?
I know this blog took quite a few turns but I hope that you get the overall theme of my blog. Wake up and go to bed knowing that OUR biggest fan is the biggest fan of US. Walk around beaming like you did when Johnny Cash said he loved your music. Walk around knowing that the director of our life also directed the stars where to land and also directed the leaves to change colors.
Lord thank you for being my Father, my hero, for letting me dance and celebrate Your glory.
So I have been going to this church Bethel lately and I am pretty sure I have mentioned it in earlier blogs. If not, I will just give you the quick version of my history with Bethel. I grew up in a super conservative church, not much freedom with God. Then there is Bethel..... where the freedom is uncompromisable. So considering my childhood church and the mindset it gave me all I did was judge Bethel and those who went there. They were too comfortable in front of God, from what I was taught He was looking down on you waiting for you to step out of line and then punish you. So Bethel needed to be punished for all of their weirdos. haha.
Well as time went on I came to the realization that I am a weirdo and if my relationship with God was going to continue I needed the clearance to be a weirdo in front of Him. So I have been gravitating to Bethel, naturally.
So this morning I attended and I came a little late on purpose. The week before when I went to a service and the worship was an hour and forty five mins, so I just maybe wanted to skip a little. Well as I walk in and stand in the back where I enjoy worshiping I am captivated by this girl that is so enthralled with worship that she is jumping up and down, her arms flailing and heart towards the sky. She is reaching towards the sky, her hands grasping only what my eyes can call air. But as I continued to observe I imaged her just in front of her Father jumping up and down crying out to be held, kinda like we did when we were young. I know that some of you cannot relate with this and for that my heart is broken. If I were to have to give another example I would say your favorite super hero or favorite sports player. Just someone that you look up to and would always want to play with.
Because I remember when I was 5 my dad was the coolest toughest guy around. He could totally beat up your dad. His opinion mattered most. If my dad picked me up from school and I said that some kids said I was a loser and my dad said "well they are wrong, you are the coolest girl around" I would then make a mental note to go to school the next day and inform the kids that they were wrong and in fact, I was the coolest girl around. You know what I am talking about, the person you look up to was never wrong.
So as I am watching this girl arms wide reaching out for her Fathers embrace, for His affirmation, for His acceptance, for His direction, I was brought tears. She was dancing in His presence just in extreme joy and celebration for who He is. That her dad is the coolest thing around and she couldn't contain her joy. I thought to myself, what if every morning were like that?
Imagine the CEO or celebrity or someone in a power position that you were great. Imagine if you are writer and William Shakespeare came back to life and said to you "this is the best thing I have ever read!" or if you are a musician and Johnny Cash or Michael Jackson listened to your stuff and said that they were so inspired by your music. Imagine the high that would give you, the beam that would shoot out of you the rest of the day. The fact that you wouldn't be able to keep it in, it would bubble over. You would end up telling the waitress of what you were just told because you wanted her to know how amazing you are. Are you getting me here? The Father that created all Fathers, the God that created all passions, all creativity, all music and all things inspiring, that man wants to compliment me. I don't have to fight for it, I don't have to earn it, I don't have to show off for Him, I just have to tune my ear. The God that CREATED William Shakespeare is wanting to hold me, love me, compliment me and direct me.
So we go around craving what easily can be satisfied. Lets say men. Some women crave men, they crave attention, they crave love and they crave affection. Lets make it a little more personal. Lets say me. Some people have been writing to me or talking to me about how I seem desperate for love. Talking about it all the time, writing about it all the time, thinking about it all the time, complaining about it all the time. What is frustrating is these people that are talking to me about it or saying "youre so young" are the ones dating or married. HA! I will say this, I am excited for love. God has made me so many promises over the years that the fact I have not given my heart away, I have not yet allowed someone to call me girlfriend that it will all be worth it.
See I have these conversations with women and sometimes men that are somewhat hopeless sounding. Lets take for instance that we are watching youtube, most recently Bruno Mars. And my friend turns to me and says "can you image if some guy wrote and sang that song to you?". My first reaction in my head was "no I cannot imagine" but wow isn't that the world telling me what to believe? See people say fairytales aren't real, why? Why do we say they aren't real? Because they are not realistic..... well lets see, the last time I checked I do not worship an all powerful God that is still realistic. I am not going to imagine a guy writing and singing a song for me. I am going to imagine a guy writing and singing a song about our life together, writing it with the pages of our memories. Writing and singing is not enough (not saying I wouldn't totally go weak in the knees) but its not going to be all it takes to get my heart. Because God gives me more than I can ever imagine, and well, I can imagine that. The man that created all men calls me beautifully and wonderfully made, why do I need just a song?
I know this blog took quite a few turns but I hope that you get the overall theme of my blog. Wake up and go to bed knowing that OUR biggest fan is the biggest fan of US. Walk around beaming like you did when Johnny Cash said he loved your music. Walk around knowing that the director of our life also directed the stars where to land and also directed the leaves to change colors.
Lord thank you for being my Father, my hero, for letting me dance and celebrate Your glory.
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