Monster God
Got your attention huh?
Well this has nothing to do with me thinking that God is a monster. I'll just let you know that now. So if you are an atheist that is drooling at the possibility of me not believing anymore I will just say now, you are going to be disappointed.
I have been reading Donald Millers books lately. I read a million miles in a thousand years and then am currently finishing blue like jazz. In recent pages he is talking about the "fear of the Lord". This has been much discussion within the Christian community, esp the new Christians not totally down with the thought of fearing something they just subscribed to. So years of processing, discussing, reading, and experiencing I think I have found a way to describe for myself. I am not claiming this truth for everyone, but this is what it means to me at this point.
I often lay in bed and let my imagination get the best of me. I dream up things so far outside of reality that it hasn't yet even been seen on movies. I scare myself awake often. Don't know why, its always been that way, ask my poor parents who shared a bed with me for a good 8 years, ok whatever, on and off until 12. I don't know why but I just imagine this thing sitting outside my door, slimy somehow, more teeth an a shark and its sniffing under my door for my flesh. It waits just another min longer as if enjoying some type of delayed gratification for its soon to be dinner. (You are probably starting to worry about how this fits in with God, hahaha!) Ok, so I was imagining opening the door and standing face to face with this monster, scarier than I imagined. Its taller, stronger, slimier, even its teeth are slimy. So just looking at this thing, it has more power over my life than I do. But, this might seem silly, what if I got into the mind of this monster. What if in the monsters mind it is saying "I love you so much Anna. I am standing outside your room to protect you. I want to make sure no one gets to you because I think you are the greatest thing ever". Woah, my perspective on this thing has changed so much. So, what if then I took my time to get to know this thing, I sat and talked with the monster, excusing the fact that it could snap me in half and use me as a toothpick. I find that all this thing thinks about is me, it watches me always and keeps me from hard. I begin to love this thing. Now one day I decide to walk up to a dark forest and I want to go in and walk around. Well this thing tells me that that might not be the safest for me. In order to even get into this forest I have to leave my monster behind. It says clearly "no monsters allowed". I assure this thing that I know what it is I am doing and I will be fine. So I go into the forest with some type agenda, there is something in the forest that I want. Well, I didn't know that there are sharp rocks and branches I have to run through and I end up getting hurt pretty bad. Well I know that my monster is waiting for me outside of the forest but I do not want to see him, because he was right, he is going to be so mad, he is going to realize I am not that special and won't want to protect me anymore. But all the while my monster is searching for me, worried about me, knowing that it is the only thing that can protect me.
I'm gonna stop there. Do you get what I am saying? I know it is totally blasphemous to compare God to a monster, but I feel it is an appropriate analogy for what it is I am trying to say. God is so powerful and His love is sometimes overwhelming. But as we get to know God we understand that His interest is for us and for us to have great fulfilling lives. I mean because the complexity of God is so out of my understanding I cannot help but fear Him. That at the snap of His fingers he could crumble my world, but He asks us to know Him and the more we know Him the more comfort we have with Him and in Him.
I hope this made sense to just one person. And the rest of you who think im super weird, give me grace. I'm only 23 and still trying to figure all of this out. But this is my understanding as of now.
Well this has nothing to do with me thinking that God is a monster. I'll just let you know that now. So if you are an atheist that is drooling at the possibility of me not believing anymore I will just say now, you are going to be disappointed.
I have been reading Donald Millers books lately. I read a million miles in a thousand years and then am currently finishing blue like jazz. In recent pages he is talking about the "fear of the Lord". This has been much discussion within the Christian community, esp the new Christians not totally down with the thought of fearing something they just subscribed to. So years of processing, discussing, reading, and experiencing I think I have found a way to describe for myself. I am not claiming this truth for everyone, but this is what it means to me at this point.
I often lay in bed and let my imagination get the best of me. I dream up things so far outside of reality that it hasn't yet even been seen on movies. I scare myself awake often. Don't know why, its always been that way, ask my poor parents who shared a bed with me for a good 8 years, ok whatever, on and off until 12. I don't know why but I just imagine this thing sitting outside my door, slimy somehow, more teeth an a shark and its sniffing under my door for my flesh. It waits just another min longer as if enjoying some type of delayed gratification for its soon to be dinner. (You are probably starting to worry about how this fits in with God, hahaha!) Ok, so I was imagining opening the door and standing face to face with this monster, scarier than I imagined. Its taller, stronger, slimier, even its teeth are slimy. So just looking at this thing, it has more power over my life than I do. But, this might seem silly, what if I got into the mind of this monster. What if in the monsters mind it is saying "I love you so much Anna. I am standing outside your room to protect you. I want to make sure no one gets to you because I think you are the greatest thing ever". Woah, my perspective on this thing has changed so much. So, what if then I took my time to get to know this thing, I sat and talked with the monster, excusing the fact that it could snap me in half and use me as a toothpick. I find that all this thing thinks about is me, it watches me always and keeps me from hard. I begin to love this thing. Now one day I decide to walk up to a dark forest and I want to go in and walk around. Well this thing tells me that that might not be the safest for me. In order to even get into this forest I have to leave my monster behind. It says clearly "no monsters allowed". I assure this thing that I know what it is I am doing and I will be fine. So I go into the forest with some type agenda, there is something in the forest that I want. Well, I didn't know that there are sharp rocks and branches I have to run through and I end up getting hurt pretty bad. Well I know that my monster is waiting for me outside of the forest but I do not want to see him, because he was right, he is going to be so mad, he is going to realize I am not that special and won't want to protect me anymore. But all the while my monster is searching for me, worried about me, knowing that it is the only thing that can protect me.
I'm gonna stop there. Do you get what I am saying? I know it is totally blasphemous to compare God to a monster, but I feel it is an appropriate analogy for what it is I am trying to say. God is so powerful and His love is sometimes overwhelming. But as we get to know God we understand that His interest is for us and for us to have great fulfilling lives. I mean because the complexity of God is so out of my understanding I cannot help but fear Him. That at the snap of His fingers he could crumble my world, but He asks us to know Him and the more we know Him the more comfort we have with Him and in Him.
I hope this made sense to just one person. And the rest of you who think im super weird, give me grace. I'm only 23 and still trying to figure all of this out. But this is my understanding as of now.
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