Where are you now?
I am usually not a jealous person.
AT ALL.
I try not to compare myself with other peoples lives or situations because what is the point? Its not gonna make me move closer or onwards towards what I want. Its wasted thoughts.
BUT why sweet Jesus.
In this beautiful world you have made,
with beautiful people.....
have you not set one out to seek me.
I know that it is all in Gods plan.
I know that HE will come "at the right time"
I know all that.
But I don't understand it.
Why do I have to sit here and act happy for everyone finding love and support in another person.
To be constantly reminded everyday that I DON'T have someone telling me they think im pretty, or funny, or worth something to them.
I will admit that I like the chase.
It took me forever to realize that.
I just always thought that I would lose interest because they would act different, but it was me that would pick them apart as soon as the possibility happened that they might have interest. (Which trust me was not very often)
Maybe that is why I am surrounded by gay guys AT ALL TIMES!!! Because subconsciously I think if I chase hard enough they will turn straight.
But have failed numerous times.
I don't understand it.
Why can a gay man look at me and think im beautiful but not a straight man?
Why can a gay man say "if I was straight I would totally date you"?
Why?
Is there something there that straight men cannot see?
Or is it that gay men kinda want to be women so they appreciate their beauty?
Do I need to slink down to a size 2 to be called beautiful?
Because I don't call that beautiful, I call that being weak.
In no way am I supporting overweight people, but people that are normal, or people that want to feel happy with their curves, shouldn't have to feel ugly because of who they are.
Its just sad that peoples perception of beautiful is not set by themselves, its set by other people.
Its like if someone said to you "You will only like the colors black and blue"
and you didn't get to make up in your mind what colors you liked.
This is turning into something totally different from where it started.
Overall people (me) have a feeling of wanting to be wanted.
Im missing that feeling.
And I want it.
AT ALL.
I try not to compare myself with other peoples lives or situations because what is the point? Its not gonna make me move closer or onwards towards what I want. Its wasted thoughts.
BUT why sweet Jesus.
In this beautiful world you have made,
with beautiful people.....
have you not set one out to seek me.
I know that it is all in Gods plan.
I know that HE will come "at the right time"
I know all that.
But I don't understand it.
Why do I have to sit here and act happy for everyone finding love and support in another person.
To be constantly reminded everyday that I DON'T have someone telling me they think im pretty, or funny, or worth something to them.
I will admit that I like the chase.
It took me forever to realize that.
I just always thought that I would lose interest because they would act different, but it was me that would pick them apart as soon as the possibility happened that they might have interest. (Which trust me was not very often)
Maybe that is why I am surrounded by gay guys AT ALL TIMES!!! Because subconsciously I think if I chase hard enough they will turn straight.
But have failed numerous times.
I don't understand it.
Why can a gay man look at me and think im beautiful but not a straight man?
Why can a gay man say "if I was straight I would totally date you"?
Why?
Is there something there that straight men cannot see?
Or is it that gay men kinda want to be women so they appreciate their beauty?
Do I need to slink down to a size 2 to be called beautiful?
Because I don't call that beautiful, I call that being weak.
In no way am I supporting overweight people, but people that are normal, or people that want to feel happy with their curves, shouldn't have to feel ugly because of who they are.
Its just sad that peoples perception of beautiful is not set by themselves, its set by other people.
Its like if someone said to you "You will only like the colors black and blue"
and you didn't get to make up in your mind what colors you liked.
This is turning into something totally different from where it started.
Overall people (me) have a feeling of wanting to be wanted.
Im missing that feeling.
And I want it.
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