This wasn't my plan
It would nice to be writing this at my grandmas house instead of the computer right next to my mom. But considering there is no internet at my grandmas house I cannot write it there, and I could not wait to write this any longer.
God,
This wasn't my plan.
I thought this wasn't OUR plan.
Im going to be 20 in two months.
Most 20 year olds are going to college,
or are living on their own.
But no God, THIS 20 year old is in Redding.
Right where you told me to be.
But not only am I living in Redding, I am living at home.
God,
Why?
No, I know the answer to that.
But why now?
I am on the brink,
there is not one person out there that is around my age that doesn't try to prove to themselves their independence,
whether it be moving out of their house but still living in the same town,
or buying a car and making their own payments,
or running away and shutting their phone off and not letting their parents or family where they are and the only way the family can find out is by tracking the use of their debit card.
All of these things are proof to themselves of independence.
God,
My plan.
Im sorry,
Our plan I thought was to have me doing great things by now.
I am ready for the great things you have for me.
But I am not ready to "Suffer consequences" from my parents anymore.
I have parents,
I will always have them.
But the only rules I want to follow God are the ones that YOU set out for me.
If it was up to me, I would still be in LA.
I would be working possibly on porn sets to get money to be able to buy the "Nice things" or the "Nice apartments"
I would be going to the "hottest parties and clubs" and be laughing my way up to the top.
But God, for whatever reason you wanted me to step back.
You do realize this is how I view moving home right?
A MAJOR step back.
So to prove to myself that I should be living the normal 20 year old life,
the one away from the rules of the parents,
ok yes,
i went and did something rash.
Its not horrible,
its not permanent,
its not life changing,
it doesn't involve another person.
It involves one tiny little hole,
with one tiny little piece of metal through it,
to prove to myself one tiny little piece of independence I have.
God help me understand,
help me understand why this is horrible,
help me understand why I am in this house,
help me understand why I still have to follow the rules of my parents,
help me understand why I need to take this little tiny piece of independence out.
God,
This wasn't my plan.
I thought this wasn't OUR plan.
Im going to be 20 in two months.
Most 20 year olds are going to college,
or are living on their own.
But no God, THIS 20 year old is in Redding.
Right where you told me to be.
But not only am I living in Redding, I am living at home.
God,
Why?
No, I know the answer to that.
But why now?
I am on the brink,
there is not one person out there that is around my age that doesn't try to prove to themselves their independence,
whether it be moving out of their house but still living in the same town,
or buying a car and making their own payments,
or running away and shutting their phone off and not letting their parents or family where they are and the only way the family can find out is by tracking the use of their debit card.
All of these things are proof to themselves of independence.
God,
My plan.
Im sorry,
Our plan I thought was to have me doing great things by now.
I am ready for the great things you have for me.
But I am not ready to "Suffer consequences" from my parents anymore.
I have parents,
I will always have them.
But the only rules I want to follow God are the ones that YOU set out for me.
If it was up to me, I would still be in LA.
I would be working possibly on porn sets to get money to be able to buy the "Nice things" or the "Nice apartments"
I would be going to the "hottest parties and clubs" and be laughing my way up to the top.
But God, for whatever reason you wanted me to step back.
You do realize this is how I view moving home right?
A MAJOR step back.
So to prove to myself that I should be living the normal 20 year old life,
the one away from the rules of the parents,
ok yes,
i went and did something rash.
Its not horrible,
its not permanent,
its not life changing,
it doesn't involve another person.
It involves one tiny little hole,
with one tiny little piece of metal through it,
to prove to myself one tiny little piece of independence I have.
God help me understand,
help me understand why this is horrible,
help me understand why I am in this house,
help me understand why I still have to follow the rules of my parents,
help me understand why I need to take this little tiny piece of independence out.
Comments
You pierced your lip. You didn't get a tattoo, and you didn't kill anyone.
I went through something similar to that. I turned 13, and I pierced my tongue, just to prove that I was growing up.
My parents cried, but knew they didn't have control of that.
I had my tongue ring for almost 3 years. I took it out a month ago, just because that's not who I am anymore.
Maybe you'll go through the same thing.
But maybe this is God's way of bringing you closer to your family.
Just some thoughts. Hang in there sweetie.
<333
Here is what you said in your blog:
But the only rules I want to follow God are the ones that YOU set out for me.
Well here is a rule God set out for us: Honor your father and mother, as the Lord your God commanded you. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the Lord your God will give you. Deuteronomy 5:16. Wow, God says that whether you're a good parent or a piece of crap parent to honor your parents.
I wish you would tell all of the story to this situation: you were told by your parents no piercings, no tatoos until you move out and are on your own. Now, I'm not everyone else's parent and I couldn't care less what everyone else thinks is OK but since you posted it in this forum, I will respond here.
This is about family, honor, love, respect, and discipline. I think I have been one hell of a parent and I believe that I deserve your honor and respect and you have failed to give it.
Mom