God I am your girl.
God. Reason with me here. I was reflecting last night on my life, recent events and even just the big picture and this is not where I saw myself at 23. God I know that you didn't create me for ordinary and that is exactly what I feel like I am living. I know that you are taking me on an adventure, I know that, but this just feel ordinary. There is NOTHING wrong with ordinary, but I don't feel like it is for me.
I was at work yesterday and I was talking to a client. She was saying that she moved here from san fransicso and that she used to where heels every day and now she wears nothing but pajamas. Then I started thinking about how someone recently referred to me as pajama Anna. Anyone that knew me 6 months ago would have never said that about me, I have always been one to express myself through fashion and style and as of lately I don't feel the need to. I know it has to do with living in redding but I shouldn't change me. Like today I decided to wear heels to work, and well I came to a local coffee shop to write before work, I walk in all dressed up and got looked up and down and even stared at, I mean I don't care, stare all you want, take a picture if you may, but I just can't believe this is where I am living at 23. I am a strong independent woman and not many people here are used to that. It is not some hidden insecurity, it is not some wall I put up or some survival technique in order to push people away, its who I am. I have known for the most part what I have wanted to do since I was in 7th grade and I think I have worked my ass off in the ways I knew how in order to get what I want. Now I am not going to say that there wasn't some major maturing that has happened and still needs to happen, but I am not going to apologize to anyone for having strong opinions and saying what I feel.
I was thinking the other day of all the things I have been told I need to work on and I started carrying those things with me, and when I was around the person that has confronted me about stuff I felt I was walking on eggshells, but thats not who I am, that is not what I want to be. I realized that we should come to each other in love if we feel that change or progression should be made, but then after that, leave it to God. If that person decides not to change we have already done our part. Because in all honesty, God is going to be the only one that can really convict me of my actions and words. I notice my part in things for sure, but if God isn't currently walking me through that, then dont push me. I am not going to apologize for WHO I AM. Yea, I am sorry in a way if we don't agree, but I am not here on this planet to agree with everyone or make everyone happy. I am here on this earth to honor God and I will follow Him into the dark.
God show me Your hands in this. What is it you want me to learn, you want me to work on, you want me to embrace and you want me to throw out. I love the continued transformation you are doing in me. I don't ask for peace, I ask for understanding. For wisdom and discernment. I love you Lord. Show me Your love and Your plans.
I was at work yesterday and I was talking to a client. She was saying that she moved here from san fransicso and that she used to where heels every day and now she wears nothing but pajamas. Then I started thinking about how someone recently referred to me as pajama Anna. Anyone that knew me 6 months ago would have never said that about me, I have always been one to express myself through fashion and style and as of lately I don't feel the need to. I know it has to do with living in redding but I shouldn't change me. Like today I decided to wear heels to work, and well I came to a local coffee shop to write before work, I walk in all dressed up and got looked up and down and even stared at, I mean I don't care, stare all you want, take a picture if you may, but I just can't believe this is where I am living at 23. I am a strong independent woman and not many people here are used to that. It is not some hidden insecurity, it is not some wall I put up or some survival technique in order to push people away, its who I am. I have known for the most part what I have wanted to do since I was in 7th grade and I think I have worked my ass off in the ways I knew how in order to get what I want. Now I am not going to say that there wasn't some major maturing that has happened and still needs to happen, but I am not going to apologize to anyone for having strong opinions and saying what I feel.
I was thinking the other day of all the things I have been told I need to work on and I started carrying those things with me, and when I was around the person that has confronted me about stuff I felt I was walking on eggshells, but thats not who I am, that is not what I want to be. I realized that we should come to each other in love if we feel that change or progression should be made, but then after that, leave it to God. If that person decides not to change we have already done our part. Because in all honesty, God is going to be the only one that can really convict me of my actions and words. I notice my part in things for sure, but if God isn't currently walking me through that, then dont push me. I am not going to apologize for WHO I AM. Yea, I am sorry in a way if we don't agree, but I am not here on this planet to agree with everyone or make everyone happy. I am here on this earth to honor God and I will follow Him into the dark.
God show me Your hands in this. What is it you want me to learn, you want me to work on, you want me to embrace and you want me to throw out. I love the continued transformation you are doing in me. I don't ask for peace, I ask for understanding. For wisdom and discernment. I love you Lord. Show me Your love and Your plans.
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