I fall on my knees

As I sit here and weep and realize the suffering will never end, I feel weakened. I couldn't be more thankful that I am finally turning to the Bible in my time of need but also a painful realization. As Peter points out suffering should not be a huge surprise to any of us. We are "strangers" in a world where the war is winning. "Were Christians thrive, storm clouds may gather"

Ah. I have to just take this in right now. Im already struggling as it is and can only help that through turning to Gods words and His promises for me will only strengthen me to handle more.

Its hard to realize that im such a baby to suffering. I mean im not going to sit here and lessen the amount of hurt in my life because it was real to me. But if I were to compare it, I seem to have the life of a spoiled princess. I told God, I asked Him to give me the faith of someone who suffers. Where they were on their knees, begging for His face. I should have known then, right then, that I would start suffering. I don't believe I have a punishing God, do not get me wrong, He has surrounded me with people who lift me up and challenge me spiritually, but He is a God that likes to show me where I have replaced Him in my life with other things. And by doing that, I am pushed to the limits. If I didn't have Gods promises, I would have no hope.

God, please don't let me down. I know that is not exuding faith but at this point I don't really know how to give you the faith You need me to have. I am trying, that is all I can say I am trying, I am doing things different then I am used to and I am scared shitless. I am poor, I am lost, I am weak, and I am scared. But God, please, I beg of you, when I turn to you, and your word, give me direction, make me rich by your standards, make me strong, and make me courageous.