The undesired
This one goes out to the girls.
The girls who always heard about beauty but never matched it.
The girls who saw love but never experienced it.
The girls who sat and listened to those who were being pursued.
This is for you.
Its not your fault.
Its not your fault nobody is thinking about you when they spout off about the blonde at the coffee shop, or your best friend and how beautiful she is. I know the feeling. All through high school I was the girl that you talked to about other girls. I was the one who sat there and nodded her head while my mind raced with all the things I didn't have that these other girls did. I was the girl that answered the phone when she broke up with you. I was the girl that gave you a "break-up basket" full of tools on how to move on.... AND IT WAS A TEENAGE RELATIONSHIP!
Like you know what love is. My learned perception of being loved is being beautiful.
this is for you if you've ever had this conversation
boy-"I want to marry that girl"
me-"Why?"
boy-"Look at her, shes perfect"
me-(so skinny, pretty and not married?) "How so?"
boy-"The way she smiles, you can tell she loves working here"
me- (thinking about the way I smile, do I not smile enough? Is my smile not pretty?) "Well do you know anything about her?"
boy-"That she will be my wife"
me- (bitch) "Oh, congrats"
One thing I may have learned from constantly being the friend, is how to be a friend. Men I just ask you to be careful, because no matter if we are dating or not, I deserve to be pursued and feel special. I can appreciate beauty just as much as the next guy, but its only fair to tell me I am beautiful as well. I'm not asking it to be me, I just don't want it to be everything but me.
I hear story after story of God calling us out of the things that this world cares about, money, beauty, power, sex, body. But it seems that if I give these things up I become undesirable to the world, including the "Christian men". I mean they are all for it if girls replace money with creativity, or power with contentment, or sex with waiting, or stability with adventure, but when it comes to beauty and body, oh, put on the brakes. I honestly believe that C men are so pompous about their walk with God, I feel as if they think "Oh look, I am one of the few Christian men that walk along side God and wants what God wants, so therefor I deserve the hot good girl" Right? Someone stop me if I am wrong. I hear time after time from these men I am FRIENDS with that "Well I stopped having sex and partying I deserve a reward in the shape of a barbie doll". Well guess what, everyday I used to wake up and want to change myself, I wanted to become what you wanted. But then God SPOKE into me, He told me that He loved me just the way I was, that He loved everything about me and mostly my heart. He said to me that as long as I am taking care of my health in this body He has given me then size doesn't matter because this is my earthly body. Do you understand how contradictory this is to everything I have been told.
"Anna, you are bigger so that tells me your lazy, and I don't want to date someone lazy"
"Anna, you would be so beautiful if you just lost weight"
"Anna you have such a pretty face"
"Anna you are not the girl to date, you are the girl to marry"
One of the biggest evidence of Gods love for me is going to be able to hear "I love you and this earth can never convince me different". When I get a glimpse of Gods love for me through the man He has prepared for me.
Because guess what, guess what world, guess what "Friends" of mine, guess what world the moment I can release my love with 100 percent trust you will see that I am worth it. I am worth it all, I am the girl at the coffee shop, but with a hell of a lot more to offer. I am so ready to romance my love. I have a list stored in my head of all the different ways I will wow my man. I will never have to be worried about losing him. I might sound too confident but what am I to say? God has given me so much love and I cannot wait to share it.
God, continue to prepare the man I am to fall in love with. Show Him what I look like in your eyes. Show Him what it looks like to respect me and protect me. God show me what it looks like to be his equal. Show me what it looks like to love in a healthy manner. God I pray when I cry out that you rush to me. God I pray that when he cries out that you rush to him. I pray that you stay completely center in our lives. I pray that when he meets the blond at the coffee shop that its simply not enough for him. I pray that he knows what it looks like to love someone from the inside out. I pray for the times that he is lonely, let me know I am thinking about him, I am writing to him, I am praying for him. That when he meets me he can drop all worry, that he knows I am not capable of hurting like those before him did. I pray that I continue to run after you when I long for love. Because God no love is like your love, no love can feel so fulfilling. There will never be a man that can take your place, keep my eyes set on you through this season and let me not take notice to those in couples, to those who are seeking earthly fulfillment and feeling it. Close my eyes to movies that are preaching false love, fill me with hope. God make me feel that I am your prize, I am your wife and that you are proud of me. And God, I pray for ever girl out there that feels just as I do, undesired.
The girls who always heard about beauty but never matched it.
The girls who saw love but never experienced it.
The girls who sat and listened to those who were being pursued.
This is for you.
Its not your fault.
Its not your fault nobody is thinking about you when they spout off about the blonde at the coffee shop, or your best friend and how beautiful she is. I know the feeling. All through high school I was the girl that you talked to about other girls. I was the one who sat there and nodded her head while my mind raced with all the things I didn't have that these other girls did. I was the girl that answered the phone when she broke up with you. I was the girl that gave you a "break-up basket" full of tools on how to move on.... AND IT WAS A TEENAGE RELATIONSHIP!
Like you know what love is. My learned perception of being loved is being beautiful.
this is for you if you've ever had this conversation
boy-"I want to marry that girl"
me-"Why?"
boy-"Look at her, shes perfect"
me-(so skinny, pretty and not married?) "How so?"
boy-"The way she smiles, you can tell she loves working here"
me- (thinking about the way I smile, do I not smile enough? Is my smile not pretty?) "Well do you know anything about her?"
boy-"That she will be my wife"
me- (bitch) "Oh, congrats"
One thing I may have learned from constantly being the friend, is how to be a friend. Men I just ask you to be careful, because no matter if we are dating or not, I deserve to be pursued and feel special. I can appreciate beauty just as much as the next guy, but its only fair to tell me I am beautiful as well. I'm not asking it to be me, I just don't want it to be everything but me.
I hear story after story of God calling us out of the things that this world cares about, money, beauty, power, sex, body. But it seems that if I give these things up I become undesirable to the world, including the "Christian men". I mean they are all for it if girls replace money with creativity, or power with contentment, or sex with waiting, or stability with adventure, but when it comes to beauty and body, oh, put on the brakes. I honestly believe that C men are so pompous about their walk with God, I feel as if they think "Oh look, I am one of the few Christian men that walk along side God and wants what God wants, so therefor I deserve the hot good girl" Right? Someone stop me if I am wrong. I hear time after time from these men I am FRIENDS with that "Well I stopped having sex and partying I deserve a reward in the shape of a barbie doll". Well guess what, everyday I used to wake up and want to change myself, I wanted to become what you wanted. But then God SPOKE into me, He told me that He loved me just the way I was, that He loved everything about me and mostly my heart. He said to me that as long as I am taking care of my health in this body He has given me then size doesn't matter because this is my earthly body. Do you understand how contradictory this is to everything I have been told.
"Anna, you are bigger so that tells me your lazy, and I don't want to date someone lazy"
"Anna, you would be so beautiful if you just lost weight"
"Anna you have such a pretty face"
"Anna you are not the girl to date, you are the girl to marry"
One of the biggest evidence of Gods love for me is going to be able to hear "I love you and this earth can never convince me different". When I get a glimpse of Gods love for me through the man He has prepared for me.
Because guess what, guess what world, guess what "Friends" of mine, guess what world the moment I can release my love with 100 percent trust you will see that I am worth it. I am worth it all, I am the girl at the coffee shop, but with a hell of a lot more to offer. I am so ready to romance my love. I have a list stored in my head of all the different ways I will wow my man. I will never have to be worried about losing him. I might sound too confident but what am I to say? God has given me so much love and I cannot wait to share it.
God, continue to prepare the man I am to fall in love with. Show Him what I look like in your eyes. Show Him what it looks like to respect me and protect me. God show me what it looks like to be his equal. Show me what it looks like to love in a healthy manner. God I pray when I cry out that you rush to me. God I pray that when he cries out that you rush to him. I pray that you stay completely center in our lives. I pray that when he meets the blond at the coffee shop that its simply not enough for him. I pray that he knows what it looks like to love someone from the inside out. I pray for the times that he is lonely, let me know I am thinking about him, I am writing to him, I am praying for him. That when he meets me he can drop all worry, that he knows I am not capable of hurting like those before him did. I pray that I continue to run after you when I long for love. Because God no love is like your love, no love can feel so fulfilling. There will never be a man that can take your place, keep my eyes set on you through this season and let me not take notice to those in couples, to those who are seeking earthly fulfillment and feeling it. Close my eyes to movies that are preaching false love, fill me with hope. God make me feel that I am your prize, I am your wife and that you are proud of me. And God, I pray for ever girl out there that feels just as I do, undesired.
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