Not so easy anymore

Things are so up and down lately. I have had so many bad days, followed with some good days.

Which I guess is life right?

For some reason when I had a job I didn't want to spend money, but now that I don't have a job or money I am in this permanent shopping craze. Which I need to snap out of quickly or I am really going to get myself in trouble. I just don't know what direction to take right now, and I know that I am certainly not looking at the right source. I mean im kinda happy, but I want that feeling of when I work. I need motivation, drive, passion, but I need to know where to direct it. Right now I feel like im at a dead in, and im waiting for a construction company to come along and pave a road for me. Maybe I need to start paving it myself. I mean one of my favorite sayings is "you don't always need to know where you are going, if you know who you are following" I love that saying. It almost makes you feel like with God on your side you can do no wrong.

I just really need to put myself in check lately. I have been miserable with my injury, money and other stresses that I look to things that most defiantly are not progressing me. Possibly taking me down another road that could lead to trouble. I just wonder what things would be like if I made a different choice after graduating highschool. Should I have gone to college? Should I have moved out of my apartment in the valley? Should I have moved home? A bunch of questions that I just wish I could know that I did the right thing in my life. I mean look at my sister, with a degree and off in Europe for a year. I mean what if that was me? Studying abroad? But I never saw myself doing that, but I wonder if it would have been a better choice.

sigh.

I need to buck up, work every day as if it were my last. Love to my fullest. And protect my heart. Things are hard, but I am trying to be ready for them. Bring it! haha

I miss writing.

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