Matramony manic
Woah.
Going from the previous posts for YEARS of complaining or contemplating love to being ENGAGED?! what a jump. I have been totally humbled through this experience because I always had such choice words from those who went so fast in a relationship. That got engaged and married so quickly, I had a timeline for them. I know how I feel about Bobby and I could honestly date him for 2 years 10 years or 10 months just as long as I am with him. I find the things in him that solidify that we can get through any issue. He has shown me in ways that aren't words that He has the living God inside him and with all that I can trust. Oh the faith of that man.
We all really know I came to write this to rant right? Right!
In most things in life I have known what to expect. I know that when I go to makeup school I would be dealing with makeup and makeup related people. I knew that when I went into a club I would be dancing and maybe sippin some good stuff. I knew that when someone wanted to "introduce" me to a boy it was going to be awkward and sad. But I literally was NEVER prepared for what an engagement entails. The answer was easy... yes..... YES I WANNA BE WITH YOU FOREVER. It felt only natural like I was saying it like every other day. Yes Bobby, I love you and want you for life. What I did not know was the reaction that came after the final yes. I mean people came out of all walks of life to congratulate me and also ask questions of many kinds. Kinds of question you would think I would have the answer to but I was not even close to being able to answer.
When is your date?
Uh... im not sure
what are your colors?
well i like purple...
where is it gonna be?
earth? land?
whats your budget?
um... however much i get for my car when i try and sell it to pay for this?
what kinda dress are you gonna get?
my mom is making it.
how are you gonna have your hair?
um.
when are you going to start having kids?
*slap*
I am not kidding when I say that those are the types of questions I am getting on a daily basis. I then realized that a lot of women have dreamed of their wedding day and exactly what they want..... i could never fully dream of the wedding until I could envision the man standing next to me. I have created standards and excitement for the man I get to be with rather than the setting around me. Don't get me wrong I have wanted this for myself. I guess I just was limited to dreaming until I could dream along side someone.
Second part of my rant.
I cannot tell you how many people have said "were so excited for you, marriage is really hard, a lot of work, really difficult, a lot to work through, but so good"
I haven't really responded the way that I wanted to when people would say this to me so let me respond now.
I have said it once and ill say it again. 24 years I waited for the man that I wanted to take my "eff you" sign down off my forehead for. 24 years of tears, of pain, of impatience (and then patience again), of counseling sessions, questions, answers, evaluations, crushes, heart breaks, processing, self help books, prayer, more prayer and the most of all..... PRAYER! When someone tells me that marriage is going to be hard I am thinking "what the hell do you think i expect? I have worked hard to get this and I am sure as hell going to work hard to keep it". See, working hard doesn't intimidate me much. I know hard work and I know it well. Considering how hard I worked to even PREPARE for something like this I am just going to assume I need to keep my momentum. Even the beginning of our relationship it was hard work, I had to work a lot on myself to be able to open my self for Bobbys heart. And once we had each others heart we wanted to learn how to best take care of it so we did a DTR (define the relationship) course. I know hard work and to insinuate that I am walking into something that I haven't already worked really hard for is not only offensive but it only makes me that much more confident that this will work. I invite the hard challenging times, because throughout the duration of my relationship when times have gotten tough..... we see Jesus. We go to God together and we get to experience Him and His grace for us and accept each others strengths and weaknesses.
All in all this is a huge stepping stone for me. A totally unexpected walk of life that I am figuring out by the daily. Jesus you have the lead in all of this and I am looking forward to all that you lead me in.
Going from the previous posts for YEARS of complaining or contemplating love to being ENGAGED?! what a jump. I have been totally humbled through this experience because I always had such choice words from those who went so fast in a relationship. That got engaged and married so quickly, I had a timeline for them. I know how I feel about Bobby and I could honestly date him for 2 years 10 years or 10 months just as long as I am with him. I find the things in him that solidify that we can get through any issue. He has shown me in ways that aren't words that He has the living God inside him and with all that I can trust. Oh the faith of that man.
We all really know I came to write this to rant right? Right!
In most things in life I have known what to expect. I know that when I go to makeup school I would be dealing with makeup and makeup related people. I knew that when I went into a club I would be dancing and maybe sippin some good stuff. I knew that when someone wanted to "introduce" me to a boy it was going to be awkward and sad. But I literally was NEVER prepared for what an engagement entails. The answer was easy... yes..... YES I WANNA BE WITH YOU FOREVER. It felt only natural like I was saying it like every other day. Yes Bobby, I love you and want you for life. What I did not know was the reaction that came after the final yes. I mean people came out of all walks of life to congratulate me and also ask questions of many kinds. Kinds of question you would think I would have the answer to but I was not even close to being able to answer.
When is your date?
Uh... im not sure
what are your colors?
well i like purple...
where is it gonna be?
earth? land?
whats your budget?
um... however much i get for my car when i try and sell it to pay for this?
what kinda dress are you gonna get?
my mom is making it.
how are you gonna have your hair?
um.
when are you going to start having kids?
*slap*
I am not kidding when I say that those are the types of questions I am getting on a daily basis. I then realized that a lot of women have dreamed of their wedding day and exactly what they want..... i could never fully dream of the wedding until I could envision the man standing next to me. I have created standards and excitement for the man I get to be with rather than the setting around me. Don't get me wrong I have wanted this for myself. I guess I just was limited to dreaming until I could dream along side someone.
Second part of my rant.
I cannot tell you how many people have said "were so excited for you, marriage is really hard, a lot of work, really difficult, a lot to work through, but so good"
I haven't really responded the way that I wanted to when people would say this to me so let me respond now.
I have said it once and ill say it again. 24 years I waited for the man that I wanted to take my "eff you" sign down off my forehead for. 24 years of tears, of pain, of impatience (and then patience again), of counseling sessions, questions, answers, evaluations, crushes, heart breaks, processing, self help books, prayer, more prayer and the most of all..... PRAYER! When someone tells me that marriage is going to be hard I am thinking "what the hell do you think i expect? I have worked hard to get this and I am sure as hell going to work hard to keep it". See, working hard doesn't intimidate me much. I know hard work and I know it well. Considering how hard I worked to even PREPARE for something like this I am just going to assume I need to keep my momentum. Even the beginning of our relationship it was hard work, I had to work a lot on myself to be able to open my self for Bobbys heart. And once we had each others heart we wanted to learn how to best take care of it so we did a DTR (define the relationship) course. I know hard work and to insinuate that I am walking into something that I haven't already worked really hard for is not only offensive but it only makes me that much more confident that this will work. I invite the hard challenging times, because throughout the duration of my relationship when times have gotten tough..... we see Jesus. We go to God together and we get to experience Him and His grace for us and accept each others strengths and weaknesses.
All in all this is a huge stepping stone for me. A totally unexpected walk of life that I am figuring out by the daily. Jesus you have the lead in all of this and I am looking forward to all that you lead me in.
Comments
I have a suspicion that the "hard" those folks are talking about when they say marriage is hard might have come in large part from not working so hard before! I know that's why my marriage was so hard when it was so hard. Just sayin'.
I am also very sorry that I have let my busy life get in the way of stopping by sooner. I hope you don't mind me showing up for the party a little (okay, a lot) late.
I look forward to reading what you rant about next! :0)