Still looking
Remember that one time I wrote that blog about losing and find of ones self? Then after that blog I was meant to go on about my life realizing that I had lost myself but then I wrote a really long confusing blog about it and in that blog I refound myself and went back to normal.
This is me. Lost. Still.
You know majority of the time when you tell someone or you hear someone say they are lost our immediate reaction is to help them get to where they are meant to be. Like "turn left at the stop sign and go towards the blue building and I will go stand outside". Or "here read this book, I felt the same way you did one time and I read this book and it changed my life". We all know the feeling. When it is lost.... find it.
Well when you live one way your whole life, pretty much knowing who you are and what you want and then switch to not being totally sure, not gonna lie....kinda freeing. Because finally admitting you are lost is pretty much dropping what you had on the floor and rummaging through to find yourself again, the freedom in that is as you rummage you can pick up certain pieces and take a good look at it and say "im not sure I actually want you". Say you lost a ring and the longer it was lost the more desperation came about to find it. You have memories with it, you look at your hand and its so bare you miss it but then when you find it it really isn't as pretty as you remember. You kinda aren't sure why you liked it so much in the first place. Are we catching on here people?
I am not saying I am having a crisis of character or a desire to leave behind who I am, even though it kinda sounds like that. What I am saying is that I am embracing my "lost" because as long as I am looking to God to help me "find" then what can I really be losing? Its almost as if I was traveling (horseback, because I said so) and I came to this forest, I entered in the forest and now I am wandering around figuring out if I need to get out of the forest or really just find the beauty of the forest. There is a difference though of getting into a forest, getting lost and then giving up, becoming self loathing and trying to see what forest plants can get you high if you eat it. I am not saying that kind of lost. But when I tell people I am a little lost I am no longer going to take on THEIR sense of urgency to pick back up where I left off.
God I have full trust in where you are leading me. As much as I want to give myself credit for where I am today, this is Yours, my life is Yours. I give you control to "lose" me in new forests so I can help "find" something new. I ask for peace in this time of when someone asks what I want that I don't have to find an answer. I pray for Your courage and Your eyes. I pray that You continue to build the woman I am, make me stronger, louder, and wiser. Do not let discouragement, this world, people, or stuff get in the way between our bond. God you are the true reason I live so I hold tight to you right now as I walk in blindness. Send me Your grace and surround me with those who love deeply.
Lost in this world but found in You.
This is me. Lost. Still.
You know majority of the time when you tell someone or you hear someone say they are lost our immediate reaction is to help them get to where they are meant to be. Like "turn left at the stop sign and go towards the blue building and I will go stand outside". Or "here read this book, I felt the same way you did one time and I read this book and it changed my life". We all know the feeling. When it is lost.... find it.
Well when you live one way your whole life, pretty much knowing who you are and what you want and then switch to not being totally sure, not gonna lie....kinda freeing. Because finally admitting you are lost is pretty much dropping what you had on the floor and rummaging through to find yourself again, the freedom in that is as you rummage you can pick up certain pieces and take a good look at it and say "im not sure I actually want you". Say you lost a ring and the longer it was lost the more desperation came about to find it. You have memories with it, you look at your hand and its so bare you miss it but then when you find it it really isn't as pretty as you remember. You kinda aren't sure why you liked it so much in the first place. Are we catching on here people?
I am not saying I am having a crisis of character or a desire to leave behind who I am, even though it kinda sounds like that. What I am saying is that I am embracing my "lost" because as long as I am looking to God to help me "find" then what can I really be losing? Its almost as if I was traveling (horseback, because I said so) and I came to this forest, I entered in the forest and now I am wandering around figuring out if I need to get out of the forest or really just find the beauty of the forest. There is a difference though of getting into a forest, getting lost and then giving up, becoming self loathing and trying to see what forest plants can get you high if you eat it. I am not saying that kind of lost. But when I tell people I am a little lost I am no longer going to take on THEIR sense of urgency to pick back up where I left off.
God I have full trust in where you are leading me. As much as I want to give myself credit for where I am today, this is Yours, my life is Yours. I give you control to "lose" me in new forests so I can help "find" something new. I ask for peace in this time of when someone asks what I want that I don't have to find an answer. I pray for Your courage and Your eyes. I pray that You continue to build the woman I am, make me stronger, louder, and wiser. Do not let discouragement, this world, people, or stuff get in the way between our bond. God you are the true reason I live so I hold tight to you right now as I walk in blindness. Send me Your grace and surround me with those who love deeply.
Lost in this world but found in You.
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