Slowly but surely

So seems that my life has been a rollercoaster of faith.
I try to keep sight of God and his work in and out of my life. I can surely celebrate the moments that I see his reward but the moments where I don't see sight of work soon is surely discouraging. And God, I do not resent you for your movement, whether I think its slower than I anticipated. I find progression to be a test in patience. Some days I feel as if I am no closer to my goals, now that may be a lie straight from the whispers of the devil. But its the day by day and wondering if God still has his thumb print in my life and if I am reflecting his work.

Chelsea is moving home at the beginning of next month and boy does that just rip a wound right open. She's my best friend and when I followed God's confirmation for us to move in together He really knew what He was doing. But did I know what I was doing? Because I am such a relational person and could spend my days surrounded by people and go to sleep feeling full filled, but I never thought that maybe that is not Gods plan. When she told me she was moving it shook my foundation. My crutch, my safe haven, my primary fun source is now leaving? Why? What did I do wrong? (Codependent) But God gives and takes from me as He wills. Maybe what I need right now is just me. Me and God. And when I come home I need look forward to finding out more about myself. If the things I love are not in immediate grasp then maybe I need to find the other things I love, the things that I do not yet love. That have been hidden behind comfort and all that I know. It will be hard, and there will be tears. Tears of joy for Chelsea to learn more about herself and truly get what she needs and find happiness, but tears of fear of where will I be now? In this big city alone. With a passion that can easily be dulled by relying on others. God show up for me this week. Show up for me next week. Show up for me next month. Be there when I am alone, be there when I am scared, be there when I want to give up and be there when I feel I cannot be any happier. Let me reflect the strength you give me.

Comments

Ronda Laveen said…
I had lunch with Chelsea's mom last Tuesday and she told me she wanted to move home. I was worried about what would happen to you, but when I saw your mom yesterday, she said someone else was moving in so you would be able to stay.

Sad though it is, your opportunities are expanding!

Love,
r
May 16, 2010 at 2:21 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Goodbye my brother

Received news today about my brother that has been struggling with addiction for about 5 years now. He had checked into another treatment center yesterday but then this morning his roommates couldn't wake him up this morning and they had found out that he had passed. My mother pulled me and my sister out of yoga class and told us the news. Needless to say we were mortified. It wasn't 5 mins later God started spreaking. God, first and foremost told me He was with me. He was all around me, there was no where that my pain was where God was not. He then gave me a vision of Robert. It was like God was standing in front of me and then Robert popped out from behind Him. So filled with joy and laughter. God made it clear that it was the type of joy he would never receive on earth. It comforted me. God then said "This time, I wanted him". God had told me that He wanted Robert back. He had created Robert and this time He was going to take him. The tears continued but
Read more

Matramony manic

Woah. Going from the previous posts for YEARS of complaining or contemplating love to being ENGAGED?! what a jump. I have been totally humbled through this experience because I always had such choice words from those who went so fast in a relationship. That got engaged and married so quickly, I had a timeline for them. I know how I feel about Bobby and I could honestly date him for 2 years 10 years or 10 months just as long as I am with him. I find the things in him that solidify that we can get through any issue. He has shown me in ways that aren't words that He has the living God inside him and with all that I can trust. Oh the faith of that man. We all really know I came to write this to rant right? Right! In most things in life I have known what to expect. I know that when I go to makeup school I would be dealing with makeup and makeup related people. I knew that when I went into a club I would be dancing and maybe sippin some good stuff. I knew that when someone wanted
Read more

uh uh uh, not so fast

Ok, I don't exactly know where to go with this but I felt lead to write it so I am going to spew out some words on this page. A few nights ago I was invited to go to a show at a local coffee shop in town. At first I wasn't going to go because I knew that if I went I would have to interact with people... most specifically... guys. Don't get me wrong here everyone, I love me so guys. But, when it comes to talking to them I find myself a little "who invited the homeschool girl" with what I say. Not because I am boring or sheltered in someway, but because I clearly have no idea was social appropriateness is about. I wish I could think of an example off the top of my head, but considering its late I might have already laid my brain down to sleep, got it its warm milk and tucked it in. I am sure that my mom can think up some funny interactions with boys, you know the kind of interactions that later she has to convince them that she did NOT lock me in a broom closet wi
Read more