Um, where did this come from
First day of work..... no good.
Second day of work.... a little better
Third day of work..... not too bad
As I was driving back from a frustrating experience at Ikea I was in traffic thinking about how I wanted to hurry and get home so I have time to run and take a shower before work. Then I got kinda annoyed by traffic because it was 2 o'clock. No reason for it. Then it hit me.
The last time I lived here I didnt mind traffic one bit, I had no care in the world and I would just roll down my windows and sing and be delighted to be in the city of my dreams. I wasn't feeling that joy right then. What's wrong with me? I know that I have more worries now than I did back then, but what does this mean to me now? I don't want to not love every aspect of LA anymore.
But I think back to the nights when I drive into hollywood and I see those bright city lights, and I see those people hustling all trying to get some where, I take great joy and satisfaction knowing that I am where I need to be. But im not reminded of that all the time when I am driving around in the valley. To and fro work. I know that this is a stepping stone and maybe even further reminder that I need Jesus through EVERYTHING. To get me to make it through this kinda depressing time. I wake up and I pray, I work and I pray, I drive and I pray, I lay on my floor and I pray. That not only will I get the strength but the encouragement to do what I need to do. Since I have freaking 5 days off in a row I have no excuse not to go to Mosaic. I kind of excited, but then kinda reminded of how quite I am in social situations where I dont know anyone and I am not with anyone.
I keep having this thought of a girl in a purple dress, maybe if there is a girl in a noticeable purple dress at church on sunday i will walk up and talk to her. Maybe not tell her exactly why i am talking to her, but at least scratch that itch in my head.
Now lets talk about networking. I have talked to some people and they know some pretty cool people, people I would like to know and possibly give my card to to get some work. But it kind of sucks, because some nights already I dont feel like going out, but I know that these connections are gonna be there, gosh they are everywhere, so I get up and I go meet them. I stay professional. I dress nice, im polite and I dont drink around them. I weed through some of their pointless stories, or puffing themselves up and try and get to know them. So they know that I dont want them as just a connection. I want to shine in the group that I am in, I want to be remembered. Not just for my work, but for who I am as a person. The weird thing is that I think I would be remembered more as not being the drunk girl, I think more people would remember me as the girl that wasnt drink and was still fun to be around. I just want to be remembered. I need to step it up, I have been very reserved and quite here, esp around people. Is that who I am? NO! Why am I being this way? Am I truly depressed or just scared? Or just mono?
Another thing is that my roommates all hang out in their rooms, so when I am at home I dont really get to hang out with anyone. No one is really friends with anyone so there isnt like a hang out, no one is in the kitchen, living rooms, or dining areas. Its kinda sad. I wish I moved in with people who were all friends. Maybe it will get there. I donno. I just got here and am venting, or expressing worry.
Im not living in my dream, but its a lot closer than I was before.
Second day of work.... a little better
Third day of work..... not too bad
As I was driving back from a frustrating experience at Ikea I was in traffic thinking about how I wanted to hurry and get home so I have time to run and take a shower before work. Then I got kinda annoyed by traffic because it was 2 o'clock. No reason for it. Then it hit me.
The last time I lived here I didnt mind traffic one bit, I had no care in the world and I would just roll down my windows and sing and be delighted to be in the city of my dreams. I wasn't feeling that joy right then. What's wrong with me? I know that I have more worries now than I did back then, but what does this mean to me now? I don't want to not love every aspect of LA anymore.
But I think back to the nights when I drive into hollywood and I see those bright city lights, and I see those people hustling all trying to get some where, I take great joy and satisfaction knowing that I am where I need to be. But im not reminded of that all the time when I am driving around in the valley. To and fro work. I know that this is a stepping stone and maybe even further reminder that I need Jesus through EVERYTHING. To get me to make it through this kinda depressing time. I wake up and I pray, I work and I pray, I drive and I pray, I lay on my floor and I pray. That not only will I get the strength but the encouragement to do what I need to do. Since I have freaking 5 days off in a row I have no excuse not to go to Mosaic. I kind of excited, but then kinda reminded of how quite I am in social situations where I dont know anyone and I am not with anyone.
I keep having this thought of a girl in a purple dress, maybe if there is a girl in a noticeable purple dress at church on sunday i will walk up and talk to her. Maybe not tell her exactly why i am talking to her, but at least scratch that itch in my head.
Now lets talk about networking. I have talked to some people and they know some pretty cool people, people I would like to know and possibly give my card to to get some work. But it kind of sucks, because some nights already I dont feel like going out, but I know that these connections are gonna be there, gosh they are everywhere, so I get up and I go meet them. I stay professional. I dress nice, im polite and I dont drink around them. I weed through some of their pointless stories, or puffing themselves up and try and get to know them. So they know that I dont want them as just a connection. I want to shine in the group that I am in, I want to be remembered. Not just for my work, but for who I am as a person. The weird thing is that I think I would be remembered more as not being the drunk girl, I think more people would remember me as the girl that wasnt drink and was still fun to be around. I just want to be remembered. I need to step it up, I have been very reserved and quite here, esp around people. Is that who I am? NO! Why am I being this way? Am I truly depressed or just scared? Or just mono?
Another thing is that my roommates all hang out in their rooms, so when I am at home I dont really get to hang out with anyone. No one is really friends with anyone so there isnt like a hang out, no one is in the kitchen, living rooms, or dining areas. Its kinda sad. I wish I moved in with people who were all friends. Maybe it will get there. I donno. I just got here and am venting, or expressing worry.
Im not living in my dream, but its a lot closer than I was before.
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