My Obsession with Women and their Frienship

Before I go into explaining the way that I feel, I should let you know some things about me.

I LOVE WOMEN. Like I love everything about them. I love their gentleness, mixed with their fierceness, sprinkled with their curiousity, and there soft hearts. I love sitting and chatting with them, going shopping with them, working through difficult situations with them, dancing with them, having girls night etc. Having solid friendships with women have been a huge part of my life. I pursue them, encourage them, challenge them, and lay my life down for the women who have done the same for me.

Now, lets move onto marriage. My husband, my partner, my love. I cannot imagine life without him, nor do I need to. Bobby is by far one of my favorite people on the planet and I spend most of my time with him. However, since day one, he knew about my deep need for girlfriends. My nights to get dinner and chat, watch the Kardashians for hours, paint toenails (again) and the hour long phone calls/face time. He knew he was a large priority in my life, but so were women. These women in my life feed me. They feed my soul and help me process through life and marriage. 

But this is just me.

I remember when I was single, I mean how could I not? It was a 24 year journey. I remember having major resentment towards men because they would take my girlfriends from me. All the sudden it was me getting invited to hang with THEM. Or when I would ask to go out to a movie, their boyfriend would also show up. Or I could only hang out with them when their boyfriends/husbands were busy. Or I would just no longer hear from them.

I hated this. 

It made me so angry because I know how much the friendship meant to me, and no man should have got in the way of that. As I got older I watched them drop like flies. It was almost like the singles against the takens. The taken people were sipping wine, going to bed early, and have watched every netflix movie there was to watch. The singles however, stayed up late, partied too much and had nothing in common with the takens. At least this is how it was portrayed.

Maybe its just me though. Maybe I require a large amount of friendship that should only be given by a partner. Maybe its me.

I remember my parents teaching me how to become a good friend. Since I was YOUNG I remember them encouraging me to truly become a good friend to people. This is the verse they would always reference and the verse that has forever been adopted into my life

John 15:13

"Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends"

That translated into "but mom I really don't feel like going to the birthday party"

"Well you said you would, so lay down how you FEEL right now, and go show up for your friend"

Maybe some codependancy came from this. And a lot of lessons learned of who to extend my frienship to. There are some people who can't give friendship like I require it, because I require honesty, gentleness, and listening. 

But more than anything, it showed me how to be a friend. And a damn good one. Do I do it right all the time? No. I am sure I don't. But I try. 

So knowing that this was my level of frienship that I was willing to give, and did give, it would hurt so extrememly bad when I would get ditched for a guy. Or I would get excused from an invite. Or I would go weeks/months without hearing "Hey Anna, I was just thinking about you. How are you? You want to get together? Facetime?"

Its like a train that is struggling to go up hill, and then when one of my girlfriends reaches out to me and lets me know they care. I don't care what hill you put in front of me.... I got this. 

IT FEEDS MY SOUL.

So I never understood why women drop their friendships when they get married. Or when life gets busy, distracting, painful, or confusing.....

because there is truely nothing, 

NOTHING, 

like a good friend.