Why don't you have a boyfriend?

Why would I possibly want to bring a guy into this mess?

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Take it and dont give it back

We all know the song. "You're just too good to be true, Cant take my eyes off of you, You'd be like heaven to touch, I wanna hold you so much" In a way this song has become so evident in my life. God is too good to be true. I don't want to take my eyes off of Him. This might sound a tad wierd. But there has been so many times where there is nothing else I scream other than to have God just hold me. And even though I don't physically get held, or rocked I can feel Him. I feel His hands reach inside and hold my heart. I feel my heart get rocked, and its tears get wiped away. Its almost as if I am a babysitter, God has dropped my heart off at daycare. But vision this, I don't look after it, i let it run around and get knocked into things, put its hand on the burner, play in the mud. And then when God comes back to check on it, its hurt, crying, broken. Then I have to say to God "Im so sorry, i don't know what went wrong, Im a bad babysitter. You shou...
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Nothing. I currently have nothing to offer. I have fear built up so high that im afraid ill never see the other side.. You know the side you made me for? Bricks, they consume my life. Faith. Brick. Insecurity. Brick. Hurt. Brick. Disbelief. Brick. Pain. Brick. Weight. Brick. Height. Brick. Hair color, eye color, wealthy, voice, discipline, personality. BRICK BRICK BRICK. Instead of standing there at my wall figuring out how to get over it, how to break it down, ive simply, walked away. I feel it behind me begging for relief, begging to be broken as if the ground couldnt hold it any longer. I look back, I stare, I cant. Tomorrow. 5 less pounds. Bigger boobs. More talent. More encouragement. A bigger sign. This is what I tell myself as I walk away. This isnt life. Im living inside of a fear. A fear that controls my everyday, the fear that I might have to step up and be what i was made for. The fear you will like me just the way I am.
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