Gift or Curse?

So it probably wasn't till this last year that I realized how much of a feeler I am. Feeler meaning I can feel energies and people really well. Bobby could wake up in the morning and I could feel if he didn't sleep well, or I always can feel when he is being quietly mad with me.

I can feel when people's intentions are not good. Or when someone is bullshiting me, especially selling me something. I always just thought it was normal, but my mom made me realize what a gift it is and not everyone has this gift. Well in coming into better understanding of this gift, I now can begin to understand also why I can get so upset or affected by something that is dark or violent. I have to be careful of what I expose myself to because I can take on the energy or the feeling if I am not being careful.

It also explains why I can cry so quickly when I feel someone's pain. Like when someone is crying, crying with them is not super comforting. Like especially when it has nothing to do with you. Someone could say that their boyfriend cheated and she's trying to work it out and it's so hard and I WILL BE CRYING. Like wtf, all because of this "gift"? It can get really frustrating too when Bobby and I are just simply working out an issue, or I am telling him about something I read on the news and I will just start weeping. Like he just sits there like "where did this come from?"

The most recent example was me telling him about the Bruce Jenner interview (I cried 3 times during the interview) oh and then an addition two times just talking about it. This "gift" is just plain exhausting. Like if I'm scrolling through facebook and I see ANYTHING that has to do with animals sad or dying, well there goes my day. 

I enjoy relating with people, yes. Like so much so that I suppose it outweighs the inconvenice of this gift. But that's not to say that I don't ask God why He has given me this. Like I'm a makeup artist, crying isn't really good for that. 

But maybe it's to allow me to put down all my guards, to lay them at the feet of those who are hurting or in need and realize how important it is to just sit and listen, or experience the pain with them. Or hurt so bad that I do something about it.

I donno what it is, but hopefully it make sense one day because I don't like waterproof mascara, I'm not ready to commit to buying it

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