Wedding rants
Well considering I have written for many years about being alone and waiting for the one that inspires me, I figured I should continue to write about love and being in love.
I know that I have been lacking a little on writing about being happy but apparently I like to complain more than I like to talk about how great things are. haha. Typical.
Anyways, lets skip forward a bunch and talk about the fact that I am GETTING MARRIED!!!! I cannot stop crying. There are so many parts of me that are overwhelmed, anxious, excited, nervous, and overall freaking out. I got engaged in January and prayed about May 26th and set the date. Everyone kept telling me that is a quick engagement but what they really meant was "are you going to be able to save up ridiculous amounts of money by then?" Well, and leave time for pre marital counseling. Oh, and don't move or make any big life changes in the midst of all of it either because thats just adding stress upon stress. Just FYI.
So what have I learned while being engaged?
The celebration of love is much higher than the celebration of anything else. Meaning, when people would find out that I was engaged they would go APE SHIT. Like asking a million questions, wanting to know how we met, wanting to know what he was like, wedding details etc. Now let me tell you that this kinda bothered me. Because growing up my parents concentrated on the celebration of making OURSELVES happy and then, when we find someone, we can join paths and continue on our way to pursing our dreams. But that is not really how people are looking at it at all. Its like they congratulate me as if its my final destination. Like I have found my ultimate calling as a wife and then whatever happens beyond that is not important. Or who I am, or what I want is now second to being married. You can only understand my confusion when I would get these huge reactions from people, like, why do you want to know the colors of my wedding but not what I desire in life?
I know that seems really crass and I should just sit there and appreciate the fact that people are celebrating my wedding, but something just doesn't feel right. Like as if it was my goal to get married. If I were honest, when I wrote out my plans for life, marriage might not have been the main concentration. Maybe its cause I was so angry at men for a long time that I gave up on the thought of finding a great man to marry, but also I know it was because I want so much for myself, more than just marriage. This will not hold me back, restrain me, distract me, or disable me in anyway from chasing my dreams. Thankfully I have found my wonderful man who wants what I want for me. Who prays and encourages me. Who makes sacrifices for me just so we can see MY dreams come true. I am truly so lucky. But when people congratulate me, they have no idea that he is any of these things. Just that I am getting married.
Do I sound like a negative nancy? Or am what I am saying make sense?
Celebrate the fact that I am talking to agencies about my work. Celebrate that I am getting my work put in magazines. Celebrate that I get to pray for broken models and industry professionals daily. Celebrate that I dared myself to move to LA and go for it. Celebrate that I am learning and growing. CELEBRATE LIFE.
Finding your lifes partner, the man youve prayed for, the man you thought never existed is a celebration for sure. But knowing who you are, what you want, where you want to go in life, those are to be celebrated just as much.
GO ON AND GO FORTH WOMEN. BE STRONG AND BE CELEBRATED
I know that I have been lacking a little on writing about being happy but apparently I like to complain more than I like to talk about how great things are. haha. Typical.
Anyways, lets skip forward a bunch and talk about the fact that I am GETTING MARRIED!!!! I cannot stop crying. There are so many parts of me that are overwhelmed, anxious, excited, nervous, and overall freaking out. I got engaged in January and prayed about May 26th and set the date. Everyone kept telling me that is a quick engagement but what they really meant was "are you going to be able to save up ridiculous amounts of money by then?" Well, and leave time for pre marital counseling. Oh, and don't move or make any big life changes in the midst of all of it either because thats just adding stress upon stress. Just FYI.
So what have I learned while being engaged?
The celebration of love is much higher than the celebration of anything else. Meaning, when people would find out that I was engaged they would go APE SHIT. Like asking a million questions, wanting to know how we met, wanting to know what he was like, wedding details etc. Now let me tell you that this kinda bothered me. Because growing up my parents concentrated on the celebration of making OURSELVES happy and then, when we find someone, we can join paths and continue on our way to pursing our dreams. But that is not really how people are looking at it at all. Its like they congratulate me as if its my final destination. Like I have found my ultimate calling as a wife and then whatever happens beyond that is not important. Or who I am, or what I want is now second to being married. You can only understand my confusion when I would get these huge reactions from people, like, why do you want to know the colors of my wedding but not what I desire in life?
I know that seems really crass and I should just sit there and appreciate the fact that people are celebrating my wedding, but something just doesn't feel right. Like as if it was my goal to get married. If I were honest, when I wrote out my plans for life, marriage might not have been the main concentration. Maybe its cause I was so angry at men for a long time that I gave up on the thought of finding a great man to marry, but also I know it was because I want so much for myself, more than just marriage. This will not hold me back, restrain me, distract me, or disable me in anyway from chasing my dreams. Thankfully I have found my wonderful man who wants what I want for me. Who prays and encourages me. Who makes sacrifices for me just so we can see MY dreams come true. I am truly so lucky. But when people congratulate me, they have no idea that he is any of these things. Just that I am getting married.
Do I sound like a negative nancy? Or am what I am saying make sense?
Celebrate the fact that I am talking to agencies about my work. Celebrate that I am getting my work put in magazines. Celebrate that I get to pray for broken models and industry professionals daily. Celebrate that I dared myself to move to LA and go for it. Celebrate that I am learning and growing. CELEBRATE LIFE.
Finding your lifes partner, the man youve prayed for, the man you thought never existed is a celebration for sure. But knowing who you are, what you want, where you want to go in life, those are to be celebrated just as much.
GO ON AND GO FORTH WOMEN. BE STRONG AND BE CELEBRATED
Comments