Heart of a Virgin, Mind of a Whore

The fear that takes you, shakes you awake from your sleep, even though I pray Lord my soul to keep. The fear that stops you dead in your tracts, believing all that your talents lacks. The fear that will spin you with your eyes wide open, watchin life pass by, as you try to fall around the ground to find some balance. The fear that shows you the warnings of love, not sure whether to push or to shove, me back into that place with You. Sanity, Safety, Give me these things that I know, these familiar things I once had, before I had a dream. The dream to be great, to live for a purpose, the dream to speak your wisdom, to step on stage with no nervousness. The fear inviting itself, flaunting itself, forcing its presence into my dreams. leaving me wondering "what does this mean?" Thrown and thrashed, kicked and assaulted. Bruised and battered chopped into pieces. But with the power of the fear, and the strength of its forces, ill still walk on ill still keep my courses. With God as ...

I was watching Forest Gump the other night, I havent watched that movie in probably 4 years, its been a long long while. Well I was watching the part when they put on his leg braces and how he struggled to walk, but got used to the struggle. How he would get picked on, made fun of, rocks literally thrown at him. When he has rocks thrown at him he didnt yell, he didnt start to run, he stared at the kids throwing them. He had a confused look in his eyes. He didnt know why these kids were being so mean to him. Then Jenny tells him to run. She first just says it as a suggestion, then she says it a little more stern, then she starts yelling it. RUN FOREST RUN!!! FOREST RUN!! Then he ran like he didnt realize his braces, he took chances that he could hurt himself a lot of these braces came off, he ran with intensity and faith that he was going to be ok. So weird how just little stupid moments in our lives such as watching a movie can profoundly make a statement. I know that it is God weeding...

I have officially reached my 1 month mark of living in LA again. Im gonna go ahead and say its been very hard. Not having a lot of friends, no more connections it seems like. Im back at square 1. I feel like im putting effort into the wrong things, but God where do I start? Do you really want me to go knocking on the doors of agents? Where do I find agents? The thing that tears me apart is I know I cant ask you to just bring everything together for me. That would be unfair right? I need money. My mom has taught me not to pray for a job, but rather for money. Here I am praying for money. PLEASE GIVE ME MONEY!!!

It feels like my outer shell is breaking. My yolk is oozing out My insides about to hit the frying pan Im hovering The most of me keeping me dangling I can feel the heat asking for me The crack in my shell is spidering But as the yolk I cannot for a support I rely solely on my shell Hey you there Can you help me out? Oh crap you are frying sizzling with no life How do I find my way out of this? How do I keep myself from burning?