Heart of a Virgin, Mind of a Whore

Ive been here a little over a week and its been one of the most confusing weeks of my life. I want to trust that God will take care of me because He is the one that wants me here, but 7 hours this week? How am I being taken care of with that? How is God gonna come through for me because I cant see it. I feel bad for saying that, but im so scared. There have maybe been 3 days that ive been here that I havent cried. I just feel alone, scary, lost, like im walking around with a blindfold on. Almost like God is my blindfold, because it hasnt been revealed to me what I am supposed to do about money. I spent most of today walking around by myself just window shopping. Trying to figure out what to do. I mean honestly what do I do when the end of next month rolls around? I dont even know. Am I am not helping myself by going out to lunch with people I havent seen in so long, I cant really afford it. Like my friend today who was having a really bad time and called me up crying, she shows up to l

First day of work..... no good. Second day of work.... a little better Third day of work..... not too bad As I was driving back from a frustrating experience at Ikea I was in traffic thinking about how I wanted to hurry and get home so I have time to run and take a shower before work. Then I got kinda annoyed by traffic because it was 2 o'clock. No reason for it. Then it hit me. The last time I lived here I didnt mind traffic one bit, I had no care in the world and I would just roll down my windows and sing and be delighted to be in the city of my dreams. I wasn't feeling that joy right then. What's wrong with me? I know that I have more worries now than I did back then, but what does this mean to me now? I don't want to not love every aspect of LA anymore. But I think back to the nights when I drive into hollywood and I see those bright city lights, and I see those people hustling all trying to get some where, I take great joy and satisfaction knowing that I am where I