Heart of a Virgin, Mind of a Whore

You know what I DON'T need. I don't need people acting life their life is SSSOOO perfect because they have JESUS!!! I understand and I think it has been nailed just as hard into our heads as it was into Jesus's hands that we NEED Jesus. And we need to GIVE Him everything. But seriously. God set us out to trust one another. To take friendship and hardache with each other. So when you tell me that everything is perfect and there is nothing you need prayer for.... i don't believe you. No ones life is perfect. You push people away when they strive to know you so they cannot see your mistakes, your mishaps, your hurt. I am a happy person. I am blessed for the things i have. When I write on here I am usually not talking about the happy things because 1st. I don't like to because I feel like I am bragging alot of the time and I don't want that. 2nd. who really talks about the good times. Maybe I should more often? But when I need help im not afriad to ask for it. And ...

I am usually not a jealous person. AT ALL. I try not to compare myself with other peoples lives or situations because what is the point? Its not gonna make me move closer or onwards towards what I want. Its wasted thoughts. BUT why sweet Jesus. In this beautiful world you have made, with beautiful people..... have you not set one out to seek me. I know that it is all in Gods plan. I know that HE will come "at the right time" I know all that. But I don't understand it. Why do I have to sit here and act happy for everyone finding love and support in another person. To be constantly reminded everyday that I DON'T have someone telling me they think im pretty, or funny, or worth something to them. I will admit that I like the chase. It took me forever to realize that. I just always thought that I would lose interest because they would act different, but it was me that would pick them apart as soon as the possibility happened that they might have interest. (Which trust me w...

It would nice to be writing this at my grandmas house instead of the computer right next to my mom. But considering there is no internet at my grandmas house I cannot write it there, and I could not wait to write this any longer. God, This wasn't my plan. I thought this wasn't OUR plan. Im going to be 20 in two months. Most 20 year olds are going to college, or are living on their own. But no God, THIS 20 year old is in Redding. Right where you told me to be. But not only am I living in Redding, I am living at home. God, Why? No, I know the answer to that. But why now? I am on the brink, there is not one person out there that is around my age that doesn't try to prove to themselves their independence, whether it be moving out of their house but still living in the same town, or buying a car and making their own payments, or running away and shutting their phone off and not letting their parents or family where they are and the only way the family can find out is by tracking...

I feel like im so alone. I have no one to help me. I have no thoughts to enter my head but only the ones I create. I want some thing, but I want it alone. I am surrounded by people. I am surrounded by words. But I stand alone in thought and life. My problems arent good enough to hear. My struggles aren't worthy enough for help. My thoughts aren't processed enough for discussion. My help is strong enough for difference. So I walk alone. My heart not with me. My feet leading me to what is known to be right. I hear your words of selfishness and pretend to consider. You walk beside me, but your not with me. You volunteer your time with motives. The thing is I give away me, but still see less of you. You cover my scream you pull tears from my eyes you put up hurdles when I run. Look what you are doing to me The worst thing you can do. Nothing. God I need you. I always need you. I don't need you like I usually need you. I don't need you internally, I need you externally. I ne...